Andrew G. La Marca Movies
Former Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst directs Ice Cube and Keke Palmer in this battle-of-the-sexes sports comedy about a former high-school football star who coaches his niece to become the first-ever girl quarterback in the history of Pop Warner football. Based on a true story, The Longshots opens in the struggling American town of Minden, IL. The Minden Browns used to be one of the strongest teams in the Pop Warner league, but lately things have taken a turn for the worst. Recognizing that his old team needs some fresh blood in order to make a comeback, a former player (Cube) trains his 11-year-old niece, Jasmine (Palmer), to throw the ball like a true gridiron giant. While the powers that be scoff at the idea of a female quarterback, they soon begin to sing a different tune as Jasmine leads the Browns to the championships and an invigorating shot at redemption. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Ice Cube, Keke Palmer, (more)
The Devil's Rejects director Rob Zombie resurrects one of the most notorious slashers in screen history with this re-imagining of the 1978 John Carpenter classic that spawned numerous sequels and countless imitators. As a child, young Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch) committed one of the most unspeakable crimes imaginable. Subsequently locked in an asylum and placed under the care of Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), the hollow-eyed boy grew into an emotionless man determined to escape back to his hometown of Haddonfield and complete the murderous mission that he began so many years back. These days, the long-abandoned Myers house sits decrepit and overgrown on a peaceful suburban street, its boarded windows and rotting wood a silent testament to the slaughter that has haunted Haddonfield for decades. Now Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) is back, and as the children of this typical Midwestern town fill the sidewalks for a fun-filled night of tricks and treats, Haddonfield is about to find out that there is no escape from pure evil. Brad Dourif, William Forsythe, Udo Kier, Dee Wallace, Sheri Moon Zombie, Danny Trejo, and Adrienne Barbeau co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Malcolm McDowell, Sheri Moon Zombie, (more)
Scary Movie screenwriters Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer join forces to parody the "biggest" movies ever to hit the silver screen in this comedy that gives such popular box-office hits as Pirates of the Caribbean and Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe the same treatment that Scary Movie gave to the slasher subgenre. A virtual smorgasbord of spoof, Epic Movie tells the tale of four fully grown orphans: one the victim of snakes that attacked her plane, another raised by a kindly Louvre curator, the third a Mexican "libre" wrestling refuge, and the last an average mutant from an "X"-community. When the curious quartet visits a sprawling chocolate factory, they stumble across a magical wardrobe which transports them to the enchanted land of Gnarnia. It seems that the wondrous fantasy land has recently fallen under the spell of the evil White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge), and in order to bring peace back to Gnarnia these four bumbling mortals will have to join forces with a charismatic pirate, a painfully sincere group of aspiring wizards, and one particularly libidinous lion. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, (more)
Barry Levinson directed this comedy in which success has a rather surprising effect on two old buddies. Nick Vanderpark (Jack Black) and Tim Dingman (Ben Stiller) are best friends and next-door neighbors who work together at a sandpaper factory. Nick and Tim often find themselves wishing for something more from life, and Nick has a habit of dreaming up harebrained get-rich-quick schemes that usually end in disaster. Tim is particularly appalled by Nick's latest idea, "Vapoorizer," a cleaning product which will make pet feces magically disappear, but to their shock, it turns out to be an incredible success, and before long Nick is wealthy beyond his wildest dreams. Tim, however, is still the same guy getting by in suburbia he's always been, and soon Tim finds himself bitterly resentful of his old friend. As Nick gets richer, Tim gets angrier, and he develops a drinking problem. One night, in a bar, Tim meets an eccentric drifter (Christopher Walken) who offers him some not-so-friendly advice on getting even with his old friend. Envy also stars Rachel Weisz and Amy Poehler as Tim and Nick's much-put-upon spouses. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Ben Stiller, Jack Black, (more)
When Frank Sinatra sang "If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere, it's up to you, New York!" he probably didn't have the same odds in mind that line up against Henry and Nancy Clark in The Out-Of-Towners. Henry (Steve Martin) is an advertising man from Ohio who runs his life on an exacting schedule. His wife Nancy (Goldie Hawn) feels the spark has gone out of their lives together. After 24 years of marriage, their children are grown and nothing is tying them to their old home, so they decide to take a stab at relocating to New York City. Henry arranges a job interview in the Big Apple, they schedule a flight into Manhattan, and from that point on, anything that can go wrong does go wrong. Henry and Nancy's flight is delayed, their luggage is lost, their hotel reservations are cancelled, they're accosted by muggers, the cab they're riding in gets in a wreck, Henry is accidentally drugged and Nancy ends up in a group therapy meeting for sex addicts. The Out-Of-Towners is an updated remake of the 1970 comedy scripted by Neil Simon; the original version starred Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis as the hapless Midwesterners. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Steve Martin, Goldie Hawn, (more)
- 1995
- PG13
Overnight sensation Jim Carrey reprises his role as the eccentric detective in this follow-up to the runaway blockbuster Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The sequel finds Ace on assignment in Africa to prevent a tribal war by saving a white bat sacred to both sides. Along the way, he nearly sleeps with a seductive African princess before her wedding, experiences astral projection with an enlightened monkey, masturbates, collects bat dung and, last but not least, is birthed by a mechanical rhino (much to the horror of an American tourist family). Often short on taste, the film is nonetheless full of good spirit and plenty of genuine belly laughs -- particularly during the fight scene with a diminutive tribal champion (Tommy Davidson, who demonstrates a gift for physical comedy equal to Carrey's). Not for every taste, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls is either hilarious or insufferable, depending on the viewer's opinion of Carrey's unique brand of slapstick and sight gags. Please note: the opening sequence may be upsetting to younger viewers. ~ Jeremy Beday, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Jim Carrey, Ian McNeice, (more)
In this second sequel to Robocop, the mechanical humanoid opposes the evil designs of his creators, who have gone corrupt and are trying to take over all real estate in Detroit, kicking the poorer citizens out of their homes and turning them out into the streets. ~ All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Robert John Burke, Nancy Allen, (more)
- 1991
- R
After he finds himself the target of mysterious assassins, an amnesiac (Michael Biehn) convinces a psychiatrist (Patsy Kensit) to help him remember his past. It would seem he was involved in a CIA operation that the agency does not want him to reveal. ~ Kristie Hassen, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Michael Biehn, Patsy Kensit, (more)
Canadian Mountie Louis Burke (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is assigned to a bizarre case where prison inmates are being murdered. Sent to the jail to investigate while undercover as a prisoner, Burke is hot on the trail until one of his former busts, the Sandman (Patrick Kilpatrick), is transferred to the same prison. ~ John Bush, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Jean-Claude Van Damme, Robert Guillaume, (more)
In this supernatural nostalgia piece, a young boy tracks down a murderer with help from the ghosts of a slain little girl and her mother. In a voice-over, grown-up writer Frankie Scarlatti describes the disturbing events that intruded on his idyllic small-town boyhood. Locked in the school cloakroom by some other boys on Halloween 1962, young Frankie (Lukas Haas) encounters the ghost of Melissa Anne Montgomery (Joelle Jacobi), who re-enacts her own death by strangulation just before an unseen adult enters the school and tries to do away with Frankie himself. While recuperating in the care of his widower father (Alex Rocco), Frankie conducts some detective work and learns that Melissa is one of ten children killed over the past decade. Further encounters with the girl's ghost -- and the mournful specter of her mother, the Lady in White (Karen Powell) -- do little to help the boy solve the mystery of who killed the kids. Meanwhile, an innocent black maintenance man becomes the scapegoat on which the police hang the killings. However, thanks to the damning but enigmatic evidence Frankie has discovered, the boy faces imminent danger from the actual killer, who ends up lurking terrifyingly close to home. The sophomore feature from writer/director Frank LaLoggia, who made his name with the low-budget horror film Fear No Evil, Lady in White starred the young Lukas Haas halfway between his appearances in Witness and Rambling Rose. ~ Brian J. Dillard, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Lukas Haas, Len Cariou, (more)
- 1987
- R
Hunter's Blood is a bloody action thriller reminiscent of Deliverance or The Hills Have Eyes in which an innocent, peaceful group of people is pitted against a clan of bloodthirsty savages. Five men set out to do some deer hunting in a remote area of Arkansas. David (Sam Bottoms) and his father, Mason (Clu Gulager), experienced hunters, lead a group of city-bred amateur hunters into an area where there have been a series of mysterious disappearances. Soon, they find themselves in danger as they are themselves stalked. While Hunter's Blood is not of the quality of the films that inspired it, the acting is uniformly excellent and the direction by Robert Hughes is fact-paced and exciting. ~ Linda Rasmussen, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Samuel Bottoms, Kim Delaney, (more)
