Joe Theismann Movies

Aside from the fact of his disability and the possession of a nickname, what does Tony "Ole" Olezniak (Vincent D'Onofrio), a bitter, blinded, football player have in common with wheelchair-bound Bernard "Bern" Lemley (Gregory Hines)? Absolutely nothing until Bern enthusiastically convinces Ole to join him in a whitewater rafting adventure as part of the first step in Bern's plan to offer this and other extreme sporting adventures to other disabled people. During their arduous journey, the disparate duo learn more about themselves and each other, and in so doing, become real friends. This film features appearances by sports-greats Joe Theismann and Roy Firestone as themselves. ~ Clarke Fountain, All Movie Guide

(Burt Reynolds) as J.J. McClure takes off across the country again in this rickety sequel to Cannonball Run. A sheik has offered $1,000,000 to the first driver to reach a destination in Connecticut from Redondo Beach, California, inspiring J.J. and others to go for the gold. With cameos from more name performers than any dozen films together, (Frank Sinatra and the rat pack, Telly Savalas, Susan Anton, Shirley MacLaine, Jackie Chan, Sid Caesar, Marilu Henner, Catherine Bach, etc., etc., etc.), the movie becomes a pastiche and is executed as though no rehearsals were required, or ever happened. A disparate group of people racing to get a lot of money was first successfully exploited in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, a much better film, and with just as many cameos, in fact. ~ Eleanor Mannikka, All Movie Guide

In The Man With Bogart's Face, an affectionate send-up of the Bogart detective films of the 1940s, Robert Sacchi plays a man who idolizes Humphrey Bogart so much he has his features altered to look exactly like his idol. He then opens up a detective agency under the name Sam Marlowe (an amalgam of the names of Bogart's characters from The Maltese Falcon and The Big Sleep). Sam hires the Duchess (Misty Rowe) as his secretary ("She looked like Marilyn Monroe and made about as much sense as Gracie Allen") and "Sam Marlowe, Private Eye" is in business. Sam gets a meager response until a shooting puts his picture in the paper and business starts to flourish. Particularly attracted to Marlowe's services are a collection of characters -- Gena (Michelle Phillips), an attractive Gene Tierney type; Commodore Anastas (Victor Buono), a Greek shipping tycoon and Sidney Greenstreet lookalike; and the mysterious Mr. Zebra (Herbert Lom doing a Peter Lorre imitation). They are all trying to find the famous Eyes of Alexander -- a priceless set of stones from a statue of Alexander the Great. Also on hand are old Hollywood pros George Raft, Yvonne DeCarlo and Mike Mazurki. ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide