Jeff Ballard Movies

Fate brings a childless couple a bundle of joy -- who happens to have a criminal record -- in this comedy directed by Keenen Ivory Wayans. Calvin Simms (Marlon Wayans) is a master criminal who with the help of his friend and sidekick, Percy (Tracy Morgan), plans a daring robbery of a museum where one of the world's largest diamonds is on display. One of reasons Calvin is able to get inside secure areas is his size -- Calvin is dwarf who stands less than two feet tall, and can slip in unnoticed where more conventionally sized people would not. While Calvin is able to get the diamond, he's nearly caught by the police while making his getaway, and stashes the jewel in a bag carried by a passerby. Eager to recover the diamond from the unwitting accomplice, Calvin and Percy figure out a way to get into his house -- they dress Calvin up as a baby, and leave him on the doorstep of the passerby's home. As it happens, the couple who live there (Shawn Wayans and Kerry Washington) have been wanting to have a baby, and they eagerly take the new arrival under their wing, embracing the joys of parenthood while ignoring some of the toddler's unusual behavior. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Dario Argento's contribution to the first season of Showtime's Masters of Horror, Jenifer is based on a story by Bruce Jones which appeared in Creepy Magazine and illustrated by the legendary Berni Wrightson. Steven Weber, who wrote the script, also stars in the episode as Frank, a depressive cop who has a life-changing encounter one fateful afternoon. He comes upon a man (Kevin Crofton) brandishing a meat cleaver, who looks like he is about to murder a young woman. When Frank draws his gun and orders the man to stop, the man refuses. "You don't know what she is," he tells Frank, pleadingly. "You have no idea." Frank is forced to shoot the man to save the young woman (Carrie Fleming), who turns out to be hideously deformed from the neck up. She also can't speak, but appears very grateful to Frank. Frank goes home to his wife, Ruby (Brenda James), and his son, Pete (Harris Allan), but he can't get the deformed woman off his mind. The next morning, he finds out that the dead man's family won't claim him, and that he had a note that read "Jenifer" in his pocket. He finds out the woman was brought to the mental hospital at Watkins Island. He goes to visit her, and when she sees him, she races out of the shower to tearfully embrace him. Unable to leave her in such a place, he brings her home. Ruby is horrified, and Pete is inappropriately amused. "She's awesome," he exults. "She's got a great rack...for a Morlock." Threatened, Jenifer bites Ruby and runs out of the house. Still, Frank cannot get past his obsession with her, and things only get worse when she eats the family cat. But Frank strangely finds himself willing to sacrifice everything to protect the strange girl. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide

Seattle bomb-squad operative Lt. Tom Royko (Judge Reinhold) forms an uneasy alliance with brilliant but aloof heart surgeon Dr. Gillian Hayes (Penelope Ann Miller) to investigate a bizarre series of events, wherein three of Hayes' former patients have literally exploded. The culprit is a disgruntled lunatic (Timothy Busfield), determined to avenge the death of his son in a surgical accident. The modus operandi: a small explosive device, implanted in the pacemakers of the unfortunate patients. As Royko races against time to rescue a whole slew of "walking time bombs," Hayes is forced to come to terms with her own shortcomings as a medical professional -- and as a human being. Filmed in Vancouver, Dead in a Heartbeat premiered March 3, 2002 on the TNT cable network. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide