Michelle Bauer Movies

Fred Olen Ray always manages to attract major names to his bargain-basement actioners, and Armed Response is no exception. The scene is Chinatown, where Yakuza boss Mako yearns to get his hands on a stolen jade statue. David Goss, son of retired cop Lee van Cleef and the brother of Vietnam veterans David Carradine and Brent Huff, is hired by Mako to deliver half a million dollars to the crooks who've got the statue. Things go awry, ending in a shootout. Mortally wounded, Goss brings the statue home, at which point a vengeful Carradine picks up the storyline. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

When a finalist for "Centerfold of the Year" downs an experimental beauty-enhancing potion concocted by mad-scientist Dr. Lindholm, the unforseen side effects render her a shaply 60 feet tall. Jealous over all the attention, a rival guzzles the elixir, and soon the gargantuan beauties are battling it out and trashing much of Hollywood Boulvard in the process. ~ Jonathan Crow, All Movie Guide

"B"-sleaze auteur Fred Olen Ray pounded out this vampire parody, which stars career nerd Eddie Deezen as an affable dork and wannabe Hollywood hot-shot who discovers that a high-market bordello -- overseen by slinky Madam Cassandra (Britt Ekland) -- is actually a den of lascivious vampire bimbos from hell. Though his companions are easily lured by the ladies' deadly charms, Deezen takes a definite liking to his self-proclaimed title of Vampire Hunter, even going as far as to sew a crucifix into his skivvies. Laughing yet? This is actually one of Ray's more witty efforts -- with a manic pace, some clever in-jokes, copious amounts of skin, and a throwaway attitude that makes the relentless silliness a bit more palatable... although Deezen's hyperkinetic mugging may be more than some viewers can endure. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

As war tears apart a nation, a romantic rivalry devastates a family in this historical drama. During the height of the Civil War, Union officer Col. Evans (Miles O'Keefe) claims the estate of the Marley family as his troops lay waste to the surrounding territory. Evans and his men take two women who'd been left behind at the house, Angela and Olivia, as prisoners. Angela and Olivia are sisters, and as romantic sparks begin to fly between Evans and both women in the confined quarters of the mansion, an ugly rivalry grows between the two women as they fight over who will win the Colonel's affections. Blood and Honor features Michelle Bauer as the elder of the two sisters and Maria Ortiz as the family's fiery Cajun servant. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Moronic teens vacationing in Demonwood Forest are terrorized by a shambling Neanderthal -- not the director, but a big goon in a fuzzy ape suit who attacks George Kennedy and hauls his daughter off into the woods to a fate worse than death... perhaps to a screening of this movie. As it turns out, the rampaging beastie (which looks like a soiled feather-duster on legs) is not the local monster of mountain legend but merely a front for the subterranean activities of a cult of devil-worshipping aliens (they could have just called the tabloids if they needed better PR), who pass the time turning the locals into zombies... not a difficult task, especially with this brain-dead bunch. Cheap sets, dime-store costumes and Dinner Theater thesping lend a certain chintzy Ed Wood charm to the proceedings, but even this level of absurdity can't cover up the fact that the film's investors -- to say nothing of the audience -- probably felt profoundly rooked. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

This comical, erotic sci-fi adventure is every nerd's fantasy come true as it tells the story of ultra-geeky Wesley Littlejohn who readily volunteers to participate in his voluptuous substitute biology professor Ms. Xenophia's (an alien from outer space) extra credit research experiment. Once in her lab, Drax, her faithful assistant jabs him with a needle and suddenly wimpy Wesley becomes the campus stud-muffin and finds himself surrounded by cooing crowds of scantily clad coeds. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Shot on inferior video stock (but sporting pretentious "letterbox" screen-masking for some insane reason), this painfully cheap and sleazy affair presents a serial killer on wheels, in the form of wheelchair-bound Eugene (Ron Litman), who seeks revenge against the street punks who killed his mother and rendered him unable to walk. When similar thugs rape and kill his aunt (Mary Woronov), Eugene seems to slip into Taxi Driver mode. When his attempts at preparation are thwarted by his infirmity, he is assisted at first by a like-minded homeless man (G.J. Levinson), but when his accomplice chickens out, Eugene kills him and rises to the challenge on his own, building confidence with each attack. Eventually he hits on the ultimate plan of revenge: by poisoning the water supply with a drug that will destroy the city's wealthy populace, literally turning them into bums! Though he is ostensibly directing his revenge on society as a whole, Eugene seems to favor naked or barely-clad female victims -- which seems more indicative of the director's hang-ups than those of his principal character. A waste of time, despite the presence of the always-interesting Woronov. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

Prepare to scream and soak at the same time as collection of clips from such slasher flicks as Sorority House Massacre 2, Tower of Terror, Slumber Party Massacre, and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers are all combined into one brand-new fright fest that doesn't skimp on the skin. Brought together under mysterious circumstances by the legendary Count Orlock, Brinke Stevens, Monique Gabrielle, Kelli Maroney, Michelle Bauer, and Roxanne Kernohan arrive at their destination only to discover that the count is nowhere to be found. In hopes of passing the time before their host arrives, the girls soon retire to the hot tub to discuss the finer points of achieving scream queen status. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

Standard plotline 294-B is deployed for this direct-to-video martial arts film. The ball starts rolling when a dedicated crime fighter is killed. His sister, played by Peggie Sanders, swears vengeance. Her brother's murderers laugh it off, since Sanders is locked up in prison, but they don't know her very well, do they? Tony Josephs and Jacolyn Leeman also make appearances in this fill-in-the-blanks actioner. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

After watching her partner get murdered, a policewoman packs it in and hits the road. She ends up near the Mexican border, where she is unjustly picked up with several other women and charged with white slavery. She must fight to protect herself from physical and sexual assault behind bars. ~ All Movie Guide

Scream queens Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley star in this sexy mystery from cult filmmaker Jess Franco. When several local people turn up missing, Sheriff Marga (Bauer) investigates. Soon she finds herself thrust into the lurid world surrounding the mysterious nightclub owner Tarantula (Lina Romay). Mari Cookie and Killer Tarantula also stars Amber Newman and Robert King. ~ Matthew Tobey, All Movie Guide

In this farcical horror outing, a pair of successful young executives visit a cat house and end up clawing for survival when the shady ladies therein turn out to be sexually insatiable zombies. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

The Los Angeles Japanese district, Little Tokyo, provides the setting for this violent crime drama that centers upon a determined cop's efforts to oust the dreaded Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) from his city. Before he can do this, he must prove that they have indeed infiltrated Little Tokyo. He doesn't have much luck until he meets Akashi, a former Tokyo cop who is intimate with the methods of the criminal organization. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide