Traci Lords Movies
Actress Nora Louise Kuzmas' stage name was adapted from "Tracy Lord," the high-toned character played by Katharine Hepburn in The Philadelphia Story (1940). Any resemblance between Traci Lords and Hepburn begins and ends here. A onetime Penthouse "Pet," Lords told the producers that she was 18 when she was starred in her first X-rated film in 1983; in truth, she would not reach adulthood for another three years. By that point, Lords had already appeared in nearly 80 hard-breathing movie vehicles -- which, when her underage status became public knowledge, were immediately rendered illegal and removed post-haste from virtually every video rental shelf in the country. Since this tempest-in-a-teapot scandal, Traci Lords has emerged as a competent adult leading lady in theatrical films like John Waters' Cry Baby (1990) and Serial Mom (1994), television series like Melrose Place and Bandit, and the Stephen King TV miniseries The Tommyknockers (1993). ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide- 2008
A thinly veiled, unsanctioned biopic of author Phillip K. Dick, first-time writer/director inventive feature debut follows the story of acclaimed science fiction author William J. Frick as he experiences a massive stroke that sends him on a fantastic journey into his own imagination. It's the summer of 1974, and author Bill Frick (Bill Pullman) is living in squalor. Despite having a sizable reputation as a sci-fi visionary, Bill doesn't have so much as a penny to his name. Nevertheless, he's determined to finish his latest masterpiece - an ambitious tome inspired by beautiful actress Nikki Principal (Taryn Manning). Bill has formed something of an obsession with Nikki as of late, and after ducking a meeting with a persistent IRS agent, he suffers a sudden stroke that renders him trapped in a limbo world with his favorite actress. There, Nikki informs Bill that his latest literary work has the power to change the world. Upon gazing out his window to see murals and statues of himself spread out across the sprawling cityscape, Bill realizes that he has finally achieved his goal of becoming a God among mortals. But not everyone worships the pages that Bill writes on; there are those like the nefarious Maurice Kroger (M. Emmet Walsh) who would wield Bill's knowledge and power as a weapon designed to help them further their own malevolent agenda. Just then Bill begins to realize that he's not living in reality at all, but in a wondrous world of his own making. Harold Perrineau, Charles Napier, and Traci Lords co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Bill Pullman, Taryn Manning, (more)
- 2006
One hapless everyman's day from hell takes a truly bizarre turn when he's named "The Chosen One" by a bizarre church and blessed with superpowers that will help him save the world from certain destruction. Lou Hanske has just been fired. Not only that, but he's also totaled his car, been attacked by a bear, and been dumped by his beautiful girlfriend Rachel (Laura Prepon) as well. To say that Lou is having a bad day would be an understatement of epic proportions, yet just when it seems that his life has hit rock bottom he's hit with a truly bizarre revelation: a small church has just named Lou "The Chosen One," and now in order to fulfill his prophecy as savior of mankind he must travel to Kansas and usher in a new age of peace and prosperity. Of course that's quite an undertaking for one man to take on all by himself, so in order to succeed in his mission Lou recruits his curmudgeonly roommate Zeb (Chris Sarandon), his smoking hot co-worker Donna (Danielle Fishel), and the Dark Lord himself, Satan (Tim Curry). Along the way, the foursome does battle with ninjas, religious fanatics, kung-fu robots, femme fatales, and giant monsters that could eat them whole. With a little luck and some serious cool superpowers, Lou might prove capable of saving the world and getting the girl of his dreams. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Chad Fifer, Laura Prepon, (more)
Despite outward appearances that would suggest he was a slacker with no motivation or ambition, Billy Wegstaff (Adam Grimes) is a true master of the snowboard. When Billy is accepted into the exclusive Pine Mountain Snowboard Academy, it appears as if the fun-loving snow shark may have finally landed his big break. Things soon take a turn for the worse when -- following a long night of hard partying -- Billy wakes up in the trash and discovers that he has been kicked out of the academy. When Billy decides to take matters into his own hands, there's no telling what he might do to get his career back on track. Featuring appearances by Playboy Playmates Suzanne Stokes and Buffy Tyler as well as a special appearance by Traci Lords. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Adam Grimes
- 2003
A feature-length pilot for a possible cable TV series, Deathlands: Homeward Bound was inspired by a series of novels and audio-books written by James Axler (actually a joint pseudonym, shared by several prominent science-fiction authors). Sort of a "Mad Max Meets the A-Team," the film is set in a post-apocalyptic future, where crime and destruction is the norm and law-and-order is in the hands of a few courageous mavericks. Vincent Spano stars as justice-fighter Ryan Cawdor, who travels the scorched countryside in his "SecWag," or military security wagon. Cawdor's hearty band of cohorts include his half-mutant girl, an angry Albino teenager, and a geeky weapons specialist called the Armorer. Not surprisingly, the original "Deathlands" book series was incredibly popular with long-distance truck drivers, presumably the audience to whom this ultra-macho thriller is geared. Deathlands: Homeward Bound debuted May 17, 2003, on the Sci-Fi Channel. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Vincent Spano, Jenya Lano, (more)
- 2003
Lorelei (Lauren Graham) is none too thrilled to find out that her interior decorator was previously hired by Emily (Kelly Bishop). Luke (Scott Patterson) adjusts himself to the rules of the Gilmores' "movie night" (Casablanca is the main attraction, as indicated by the episode's title), even as Lorelei tussles with Luke's cell-phone policy. Meanwhile at Yale, Paris (Liza Weil) squares off against her highly antisocial roomie Janet (Katie Walder); and, still unable to get over her breakup with Jess, Rory (Alexis Bledel) impulsively decides to date a guy who doesn't appeal to her at all. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
Originally filmed under the title Slow Burn, this made-for-TV thriller stars Jennifer Beals as Sloan McBride, a Cher-like rock diva. After 17 years on the top, the fortysomething Sloan is faced with the realization that her popularity is being chipped away by the Britneys of the world. Enter the diva's "biggest fan," Jenny (Keri Lynn Pratt), whose boundless idolatry and flattery earns her a job as Sloan's chief assistant. What at first seems to be a rehash of All About Eve takes on sinister shadings when Jenny's hidden agenda is revealed. It seems that Sloan had been instrumental in ruining the career of Jenny's mother...or at least that is what the revenge-seeking girl believes in her heart of hearts. They Shoot Divas, Don't They? joined the VH1 movie rotation on October 5, 2002. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
Actor and playwright Stephen Burrows makes his directorial debut with this independent comedy that takes a witty look at the downside of working in the movie business. Steve (Burrows) is a writer, actor, and comic who years ago left his hometown of Milwaukee, WI, for the bright lights of Hollywood and who, after years of struggling, has managed to get his foot in the door of show business thanks to his appearance in a widely seen commercial for a personal hygiene product called "Crotch Fresh." Steve decides to pay a visit to his friends in the Midwest, and while in Milwaukee he meets Sam (Traci Elizabeth Lords), an attractive woman interested in knowing more about his career in entertainment. As Steve and Sam get to know each other, he regales her with a number of remarkable stories about fascistic acting coaches, egocentric producers, and studio heads too young to hold a driver's license. Stephen Burrows was able to persuade a number of his well-known colleagues to appear in Chump Change, including Tim Matheson, Jerry Stiller, Anne Meara, Fred Willard, and Abe Vigoda. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Tim Matheson, Traci Lords, (more)
- 1999
After extracting a promise from Autolycus (Bruce Campbell) not to rob the First Bank of Greece in Thracia, Hercules (Kevin Sorbo) agrees to help Autolycus prevent his ex-wife, Luscious (Traci Elizabeth Lords), currently a singer at the Club Nymph-O-Mania, from holding up the bank herself. It seems that Luscious has a nasty grudge against Autolycus, and she plans to frame him for the robbery and subsequently witness his execution. In his efforts to save both Autolycus and Luscious from their own worst impulses, Hercules ends up inventing the savings-and-loan industry! ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Kevin Sorbo, Michael Hurst, (more)
- 1997
This psychological thriller is helmed Russian director Rodion Nakhapetov, who also fills a cameo role in the film. Traci Lords stars as Kelly Bekins, a recently widowed mother who takes her six-year-old son Matthew (Seth Adkins) to the motel where her scientist husband Joseph (Daniel Roebuck) was murdered while working on a top-secret AIDS cure. There, Kelly and Matthew meet the motel manager (Michael J. Pollard) and a janitor, Bubba (Tony Todd), who seems to be keeping a protective eye on them. To Kelly's surprise, Joseph's best friend and colleague Michael (Andrew Heckler) also appears at the motel seeking answers. When Matthew begins having psychic visions of his father's death, Michael suggests that he see a psychiatrist, Dr. Kessler (Karen Black), but she's involved in a complex scheme involving Joseph's killing and the sale of his research to the Russian Mafia. When Matthew's visions lead him to suspect that Michael's responsible for his father's death, the boy runs for help to Bubba, who turns out to be an FBI agent. ~ Karl Williams, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Traci Lords, Andrew Heckler, (more)
- 1995
David (Johnny Galecki) and Mark (Glenn Quinn) fight over Stacy (Traci Lords), the new waitress at the Lunch Box. Roseanne heightens the tension by making David paint a mural at the diner. Meanwhile, Jackie wants to spice things up between her and Fred (Michael O'Keefe). ~ Andrea LeVasseur, All Movie Guide
- 1994
This science fiction adventure, set in the future, depicts an Earth so polluted that people must live underground to avoid the deadly air. It is the sequel to 1989's Circuitry Man. In this new world, people who once would have plugged into drugs for illicit fun, now turn on with computer chips. The evil Plughead, a biosynthetic man, has a revolutionary chip that allows humans to live a decade beyond normal life expectancy but to manufacture it they must torture innocent people until they die. Plughead has no problem with that; in fact, he rather enjoys it. Plughead's nemesis, Danner is also a biosynthetic man, but he is a good guy. FBI agent Kyle is using Danner to help her find Plughead. Together they travel to a barren desert in search of their foe. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Vernon Wells, Deborah Shelton, (more)
- 1993
When a gang battle costs a man one of his closest relatives, he sets his sights on evening the score in this crime drama. When two rival crime factions begin waging war on each other over control of prostitution and drug trafficking, a woman who was merely an innocent bystander is killed in the crossfire. Her brother, devastated by the loss, is determined to get revenge and enlists the help of a street-smart prostitute to find out who was responsible for his sister's death. Ritmo del Silenzio, also released under the titles Desperate Crimes, Port of Crime, and Mafia Docks, stars Franco Columbo, Traci Lords, and Denise Crosby as the streetwalker. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide
Adapted for TV, this is a Stephen King story in which an aspiring writer and an alcoholic poet (with a metal plate in his head, no less) literally stumble over a long-buried spaceship while walking in the woods. It starts glowing green when uncovered and soon everyone in town has green eyes, their teeth fall out and they act out all of their fantasies (violent or otherwise). Guess who's immune to the power of this alien spaceship? You got it--our good old metal-headed poet can save the day if he can get it together enough to do so. Really more of a B movie than most King horrorfests. ~ Tana Hobart, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Jimmy Smits, Marg Helgenberger, (more)
- 1993
After receiving an ominous warning from a gypsy fortune teller, Tessa (Alexandra Van Der Noot) is kidnapped by Pallin Wolf (Andrew Jackson), a rogue Watcher. It is all part of a scheme to draw Tessa's Immortal sweetheart, Duncan (Adrian Paul), out in the open -- thus leaving him vulnerable to Wolf's deadly final assault. Although a rescue is successfully pulled off, the ending of this episode is numbingly tragic. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Adrian Paul, Alexandra Van Der Noot, (more)
- 1992
In this action thriller, a big city where crime is commonplace is shocked by the news of a psychotic killer on the loose. Striking every full moon, the murderer is a necrophile who kills beautiful women with a surgical laser, and then violates their bodies. The police are desperate for a lead when a man claiming to be the killer calls into a talk radio show hosted by Barbara Fleck (Traci Lords), a beautiful scientific authority with a background in criminology. Barbara finds herself being used as human bait to draw "The Laser Moon Killer" out of hiding and into the clutches of the police, but Barbara soon discovers just how dangerous this game can be. Laser Moon also features Harrison Le Duke and Crystal Shaw. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide
- 1991
While working as a janitor in a private detective's office, Al is mistaken for a "P.I." by a beautiful client named Vanessa Van Pelt (played by the formidable Traci Lords). Donning trench-coat and snap-brim, Al goes "noir" to help Vanessa claim a valuable gem which is in dangered of being pilfered by her greedy family--and for his troubles ends up accused of murder. This episode takes into account the recent real-life miscarriage of series star Katey Sagal by setting up a Dallas-like "explanation" as to why suddenly two of the characters are no longer pregnant, neatly negating EVERYTHING that has happened since the beginning of Season Six. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- 1991
Murder in High Places is a made-for-TV whodunit set at a Colorado ski resort ("High Places." Get It?). Adam Baldwin, an ex-football pro turned cop, is the investigating officer in a homicide case. He is aided and abetted by Ted Levine, an alcoholic ex-newsman (what price Hunter Thompson?) who is the new mayor of the Colorado resort town where the murder occurred. The preponderance of colorful supporting characters is a sure tip-off that Murder in High Places was meant to the pilot for a series. Whether or not the series could have afforded Adam Baldwin is a moot point, since no one, least of all the audience, was interested in the project. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- 1989
Even 17 years of marriage is not nearly as painful as the toothache currently plaguing Al Bundy (Ed O'Neill). In desperation, Al visits his neighbor Marcy's (Amanda Bearse) dentist, who bears the Three Stoogelike name of Dr. Plierson (Joe Flaherty). As the session progresses, both Al and Plierson are perilously distracted by buxom dental assistant T.C. (played by former adult-film ingénue Traci Lords). ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- 1985
Red Hot Rock features uncensored versions of 11 rock music videos, including songs by Queen and by Duran Duran. ~ All Movie Guide
Earning the type of divisive emotional responses normally reserved for those on the far right or the far left of the political spectrum, writer Tucker Max celebrated his debauchery-driven lifestyle in the memoir I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Now Max earns credit as both co-screenwriter and producer of the film adaptation with this comedy from Niagara Niagara director Bob Gosse. In the film, Tucker (Gilmore Girls' Matt Czuchry) behaves very badly at his friend's bachelor party, getting his invite to the nuptials revoked. Can he renounce his (not-so) inner selfish jerk in time to recapture his invitation? I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell also stars Geoff Stults, Jesse Bradford, and Traci Lords. ~ Kimber Myers, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Matt Czuchry, Jesse Bradford, (more)
