Ralph Garman Movies
- 2005
Brian the dog writes a short story which gains so much renown that he lands a job with The New Yorker. Unfortunately, no sooner is Brian hired than he is fired, all because he lacks a college education--well, actually, he did almost graduate from Brown University, but that doesn't count. Meanwhile, Peter bands together with his neighbors Cleveland, Joe and Quagmire to form a new version of "The A-Team." The Blair Witch Project, Gary Coleman, Alan Thicke and the forced-perspective paintings of M.C. Escher are among the pop-culture artifacts skewered in this episode. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
D.J. Caruso's Two for the Money stars Matthew McConaughey as Brandon Lang, a former college quarterback whose life plans changed when he suffered a career-ending injury. Brandon turns out to have remarkable skill at picking winning football bets. Eventually, he comes to the attention of Walter Abrams (Al Pacino), a very successful business tycoon who runs a giant gambling operation. Walter brings Brandon to New York and introduces him to a glitzy, fast-paced, money-drenched lifestyle that Brandon eagerly soaks up. When Brandon's magic touch begins to falter, Walter starts to turn on his protégé. Soon the two men are attempting to outwit each other, with Walter's wife (Rene Russo) caught in the middle. ~ Perry Seibert, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Al Pacino, Matthew McConaughey, (more)
- 2003
Jones (Henry Simmons) seriously considers taking the law into his own hands when Valerie (Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon) is seriously injured by a stalker. The other detectives of the 15th investigate a series of murders in which the victims were all African males. And the parents of Frank Colohon, the no-good brother-in-law of Connie McDowell (Charlotte Ross), demand custody of Frank's baby daughter, Michelle, while Connie's significant other, Andy Sipowicz (Dennis Franz), continues dragging his heels on the subject of matrimony. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Henry Simmons
- 2003
In this wide-ranging spoof of reality shows, all of the contestants were professional actors -- except one. Chosen during a nationwide audition, Matthew Kennedy Gould was told that he was going to appear on a reality show titled "Lap of Luxury," in which he would live a sumptuous lifestyle with several other contestants, who would be "eliminated" from the 500,000-dollar-grand-prize sweepstakes at a rate of one person per show. What Gould didn't know was that his fellow players were all following a pre-determined scenario, all knew the outcome of the contest, and none was exactly whom he or she pretended to be. The phonies, all drawn from the reality-TV cliché factory, included The Hutch (David Hornsby), the resident hygiene-challenged jerk; Earl (Franklin Dennis Jones), the grizzled Special-Ops veteran; Kip (Lance Krall), the obligatory gay guy with a heart of gold; Ashleigh (Melissa Yvonne Lewis), the standard-issue "rich bitch"; Dr. Pat (Kristen Wiig), the advice-spouting counselor; Molly (Angela Dobson), the house virgin; Gina (Nikki Davis), the all-around backstabber; and Brian (Brian Keith Etheridge), everybody's best pal. Even the series' host, Ralph Garman, was putting on an act, pretending to be a preening egomaniac more concerned with advancing his career than going about his assigned duties. As the faux contestants were faced with challenges that were blatantly swiped from other series like Survivor and Fear Factor, the question was not whether poor, oblivious Matthew Kennedy Gould would make it to the final episode, but rather, how long it would be before he caught on to the charade. Created for the Spike TV cable service by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, The Joe Schmo Show first aired September 2, 2003. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Ralph Garman, Matt Kennedy Gould, (more)
- 2002
Brian (voice of Seth MacFarlane) takes Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) to see his friend's one-man show at the Quahog Community Playhouse. Disgusted by the show's self-indulgence, Brian decides to try his hand at acting. At his audition, however, he's upstaged by Stewie (MacFarlane), who gets put into the drama school's "Rising Star" program. There, he quickly runs afoul of a classmate, a bitchy diva named Olivia (voice of Rachael MacFarlane). But when Stewie learns that they're both in danger of being kicked out of class, he convinces Olivia to team up with him, performing a musical number that brings the house down. This inspires their teacher to start booking gigs for them. While the two click together perfectly on-stage, they constantly bicker off-stage. At a big show with a critic from The Providence Journal in the house, the two get into a fistfight on-stage, leading to the dissolution of the act. Meanwhile, Peter (MacFarlane) rescues a man at sea who turns out to be a nudist. In gratitude, Dave Campbell (voice of Fred Willard) invites the Griffins to dinner, where they awkwardly meet the nude family. Meg (voice of Mila Kunis) takes a liking to the Campbells' naked teenage son, Jeff (voice of Chris Cox), and is distraught to learn that her parents don't approve of the relationship. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide
- 2002
Clark Jr. (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) and Laughlin (Anthony Mangano) prepare to square off in a charity boxing match. Finding out why IAB Captain Fraker (Casey Siemaszko) is so determined to ruin Lt. Rodriguez (Esai Morales), Sipowicz (Dennis Franz) warns Fraker to lay off if he doesn't want an unsavory incident in his own past to be revealed. While Rodriguez is still out pending the IAB's investigation, interim squad commander Shanley (Alan Feinstein) hits on Connie McDowell (Charlotte Ross), threatening to have her fired if she complains. And back on duty, the squad investigates an armored car robbery and the death of the friend of a woman whose body was found in a garbage truck. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Henry Simmons
- 2002
Connie McDowell (Charlotte Ross) arrests her scummy brother-in-law, Frank (Nicholas Lea), on a charge of spousal abuse. The abduction of a five-year-old girl leads to a suspicious ice-cream vendor -- and an unexpected defense of the often homophobic Andy Sipowicz (Dennis Franz) by gay cop John Irvin (Bill Brochtrup). And the murder of an NBA draftee's pregnant girlfriend leads to a solution straight out of Becket ("Will no one rid me of this man?"). ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Henry Simmons
- 2002
A series of holdups in massage parlors culminates in murder, with several precincts working together to crack the case before things get worse. As result, John Clark Jr. (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) is forced to team with his estranged father, John Clark Sr. (Joe Spano), bringing the bad blood between John Sr. and Andy Sipowicz (Dennis Franz) to a boil. In another case, a gang of thieves posing as exterminators prey upon elderly victims. After working hours, Andy tries to resist becoming permanent bodyguard for the eccentric Mrs. Hornby (Elmarie Wendel); Connie McDowell (Charlotte Ross) grows closer to Andy's son, Theo (Austin Majors); Valerie Haywood (Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon) is pregnant, and Baldwin Jones (Henry Simmons) is the father; and more ominously, new squad member Det. Rita Ortiz (Jacqueline Obradors) is harassed by her possessive husband, ADA Don Harrison (Stan Cahill). ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Henry Simmons
- 2001
The Griffins visit Toys 'R' Overpriced, where they buy Stewie (voice of Seth MacFarlane) his first tricycle. Later, when a teacher is arrested for teaching "crackpot theories" at Meg's (voice of Mila Kunis) school, a news team shows up, and Meg finds herself smitten with news anchor Tom Tucker (MacFarlane). She has a fantasy about him (a parody of the Phoebe Cates pool scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) and decides to apply for Channel 5's Young Anchor internship program. Thanks to co-anchor Diane Simmons' insecurity about picking a pretty girl, Meg is chosen for the internship, but unluckily, her partner intern is Neil (voice of Seth Green), the nerdy A/V guy who has a massive crush on her. Stewie learns to ride his tricycle, while Peter (MacFarlane) proudly videotapes, until he's distracted by the (American) beauty of a plastic bag blowing around in the wind. Stewie has his first encounter with the concept of bullying when Charlie (voice of Josh Peck) steals his new wheels. Later, when the infamous "Mass Media Murderer," known for killing newspersons, is spotted on top of Town Hall, Tom and Diane give Meg and Neil the story. When it seems like the hapless teens are going to be murdered, Meg gives Neil a kiss, which is captured on videotape. In the nick of time, a superheroic Hugh Downs (doing his own voice) comes to the rescue, and Meg has to deal with the ugly repercussions of that kiss. Soon, Neil is handing out T-shirts at school festooned with the image of their lip-lock, and bringing his parents over for dinner at the Griffins'. This episode features the voice talents of Michael Chiklis and Abe Vigoda, along with references to Mr. Sherman and Peabody and Quantum Leap. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide
- 2001
After a Career Day visit to Chris' (voice of Seth Green) junior high school class, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) feels that his job at the toy factory is going nowhere. Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) suggests he invite his boss, Mr. Weed (voice of Carlos Alazraqui), over to dinner to impress him. Peter goes along, despite unpleasant memories of Margot Kidder's (voice of Rachael MacFarlane) dinner visit. That night, the kids do a number from The Sound of Music and dance off to bed. Peter has trouble with small talk. "I don't care what the guys at work say," he tells his boss. "I don't think you're an effeminate weirdo." But Mr. Weed is so impressed with Lois that he offers Peter a promotion before choking to death on a dinner roll. During his eulogy, Peter mistakes Jesus for The Incredible Hulk. After the funeral, Mr. Weed's video will is played, and it turns out he's arranged to have the toy factory demolished. After Peter unsuccessfully tries working as a washroom attendant, a deaf guy who hands out cards asking for donations, and a transvestite streetwalker, Lois tells him she has some money saved, so he can pursue his dream job. So Peter sets out to become a Renaissance Fair jouster, just like the Black Knight (voice of Will Ferrell) who saved his life when he was an acid-tripping teen. Peter trains with a tough drill sergeant-type coach (voice of R. Lee Ermey) but is disenchanted when he learns that the Black Knight is actually a jerk who drives a yellow Hyundai. Things get more ugly when the Black Knight catches his girlfriend flirting with Peter. This episode also features the voice talents of Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carolla, and Charles Durning. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide
- 2001
Chris (voice of Seth Green) gets a paper route so he'll be able to buy a birthday present for his junior high crush. He earns enough money to buy the girl a bottle of perfume. "It'll make you smell like Elizabeth Taylor," he tells her. "I guess that means you'll smell like bourbon and Vicodin." Things go downhill from there. Later, Chris witnesses a convenience store robbery. When he goes to the police station to pick the culprit out of a lineup, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) idiotically reveals Chris' identity to the hoodlum. When the bad guy escapes from jail, the feds show up to put the Griffins in the witness relocation program. They're sent to Bumblescum, a tiny town in the Deep South. Their new home is a decrepit shack. "I bet if we fixed it up a bit," Lois (voice of Alex Borstein) enthuses, "it could be a piece of crap." Inside, they find a jar with a hand in it in the basement, and an unfunny Jeff Foxworthy (voice of Ralph Garman) in the closet. Peter is repeatedly attacked by raccoons. He rigs up the station wagon like the General Lee from The Dukes of Hazzard, and Stewie (MacFarlane) learns to play the banjo, which makes him "feel so deliciously white trash." Chris makes a new friend, Sam (voice of Kathleen Wilhoite), who appears to want more than friendship from him. But Peter runs afoul of the locals when he critiques a Civil War reenactment in which the South wins, and things get even more dangerous when the FBI agents inadvertently reveal Chris' location to the robber. This episode features the vocal talents of Brian Dunkelman, Dakota Fanning, and Waylon Jennings. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide
- 2001
The dead body of stripper Kristen Moore (Jenna Gering) is found in the apartment of Danny Sorenson (Ricky Schroder) -- and Danny has vanished without a trace. With precious few clues to go on, Andy (Dennis Franz) and Connie (Charlotte Ross) try to link Kristen's murder and Danny's disappearance to the strip club managed by Joey Schulman (Greg Grunberg). The present crisis not only puts the entire precinct on its ear, but seriously strains the relationship between partners Baldwin (Henry Simmons) and Greg (Gordon Clapp). With this cliffhanger finale, the eighth season of NYPD Blue comes to a close. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- 2001
In the cold open, Peter (voice of Seth MacFarlane) visits the Quahog Zoo, and fulfills his lifelong dream of getting into a kangaroo's pouch. Peter is upset about having to visit Lois' (voice of Alex Borstein) parents, because Mr. Pewterschmidt (MacFarlane) doesn't like him. Peter tries to study up on things the old man likes, but he's stymied by his first New Yorker cartoon, and finds it hilarious that "Oui, oui" means "yes" in French. Peter fails to impress Mr. Pewterschmidt to the extent that when Lois asks him to invite Peter to his poker game, he says, "I'd rather be stuck in an elevator with Nathan Lane, Gilbert Gottfried, Carrot Top...uh...Sean Hayes -- you get the idea." Lois manages to persuade him, and Peter unexpectedly hits it off with Bill Gates and Michael Eisner when he discovers Ted Turner's "tell." The evening goes so well that Pewterschmidt tells Peter, "I'm glad you married my daughter." Brian (MacFarlane), meanwhile, is lately having trouble dealing with his animal urges. The situation worsens when the Griffins visit the Pewterschmidt home, and Brian meets Mr. Pewterschmidt's prize greyhound, Seabreeze. At the dog track, Brian's instincts get the better of him and he leaps onto the track to violate Seabreeze mid-race. When Brian subsequently learns that Seabreeze is pregnant, he's determined to "do the right thing," but Pewterschmidt won't hear of it, and throws the Griffins out of his home. Brian eventually sues for custody of the puppies, and at trial, Peter is forced to choose between Brian's friendship and the newfound acceptance of his father-in-law. This episode features the voice of Bob Barker as himself. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide
- 2001
Upon learning that his former partner Danny Sorenson is definitely dead, Andy Sipowicz (Dennis Franz) nearly falls off the wagon, only to be "rescued" by Connie McDowell (Charlotte Ross). After killing the man who shot his new partner, John Clark Jr. (Mark-Paul Gosselaar), Andy is a hero to everyone but Clark's resentful father (Joe Spano). Elsewhere, a multiple-murder investigation seems linked to activities at New York University. This episode originally aired in tandem with the previous installment "Lie Like a Rug" as the two-hour opener of NYPD Blue's ninth season. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
- Starring:
- Henry Simmons
