Ray Ballard Movies

Predating the 1990s cycle of vampire-stripper films (From Dusk Till Dawn, Bordello of Blood, etc.) this cynical entry from director Richard Wenk concerns frat boys looking for a go-go girl to perform at their upcoming party. Wandering to the wrong side of town, the randy youths enter a seedy strip joint populated by vampires. Grace Jones is the nasty ringleader, Katrina, who acknowledges the film's debt to Hammer's Vampire Circus by performing an erotic dance painted in zebra-stripes. Among the heroes, co-star Robert Rusler is far more interesting than the bland lead (Chris Makepeace), while Gedde Watanabe manages to be both unfunny and offensive by turning in the most ridiculously stereotyped Asian performance since John Wayne assayed Genghis Khan in The Conqueror. This is the least of the comedic vampire films that came out in the mid-'80s, and although Billy Drago is menacing as the evil Snow and Greg Cannom's special effects are striking, Vamp remains unfunny and not frightening in the least. Famed female bodybuilder Lisa Lyon appears as a stripper named Cinnamon, and Dedee Pfeiffer, Hy Pyke, and Simmy Bow are among the recognizable supporting cast. ~ Robert Firsching, Rovi

In the third of the feature-length Quincy, M.E. episodes produced for the NBC Sunday Mystery Movie package, the LA County Coroner's Officer swings into action when movie star Roberta Rhodes dies under mysterious circumstances (note the repetitious initials, and then guess who "Roberta Rhodes" is really supposed to be). Though the police are convinced that Rhodes committed suicide, Quincy (Jack Klugman) thinks otherwise, and through the auspices of scandal-sheet publisher Reardon (William Daniels) Quincy discovers that the dead woman's secret lover, Congressman Charles Sinclair (Robert Foxworth), was with her at the time of her death--and may have been her murderer. Unable to accept the notion that his good friend Sinclair is a killer, Quincy goes off on his own investigation, quickly discovering that the gossip-mongering publisher may have a sinister hidden agenda. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

My Three Sons star Fred MacMurray once more finds himself the paterfamilias of an extended family. MacMurray plays Ned Chadwick, a newspaper publisher on a tiny California offshore island. Ned and his wife (Kathleen Maguire) have three daughters and one son, who in turn have provided the elder Chadwicks with numerous grandchildren. The "racial balance" so common to TV-movies of the 1970s is maintained by the Chinese/American fiance (Frank Michael-Liu) of the youngest Chadwick daughter. By the time we're introduced to everyone, the film is half over. Chadwick Family was the pilot film for a potential Fred MacMurray TV series; the networks passed. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Theo Kojak (Telly Savalas) is both disturbed and perplexed by the appearance of Peter Ibbotson (John R. Ryan, an ex-convict whom the lieutenant had sent to prison. Staying carefully within the limits of the law, Ibbetson begins methodically stalking Kojak and his family just before the wedding of Theo's niece. Clearly, Ryan has revenge in mind--but what exactly is he planning, and how can Kojak figure it out before it's too late? Listen for Kojak's now-famous warning to the slippery villain, which was used repeatedly in the promotional material for the series' first season. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

While off duty, Pete Malloy (Martin Milner) stops a robbery in progress and shoots down a holdup man who turns out to be unarmed. When the man later dies, Pete is suspended pending a departmental investigation--and it's as nerve-wracking a procedure as the shooting itself. This episode marks one of the few on-camera appearances by Shaaron Claridge, normally heard but not seen as Rampart's ubiquitous police dispatcher ("One Adam-12...One Adam-12...") ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

In this spooky horror movie, a crazed doctor is able to transform a man into a giant cobra. ~ Sandra Brennan, Rovi

Two gunshot victims are down in a liquor-store robbery, and the store owner (Victor Izay) is consumed by guilt over being forced to shoot the robber. As the paramedics deal with this crisis, Dr. Early has his hands full with a wino (Royal Dano) suffering from a particularly nasty case of "the shakes." Elsewhere, a hippie is bitten by a black widow spider; a pipefitter is trapped in a chemical plant accident; and a dog proves not to be the "best friend" of a female patient. And in less traumatic subplot, paramedic Johnny Gage (Randolph Mantooth) develops a hankering for a pretty student nurse. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

African-American activist and actor Melvin Van Peebles directed this comedy-drama starring Godfrey Cambridge as Jeff Gerber, a white, middle class husband to Althea (Estelle Parson) and father of two who is also a mild bigot. One morning, Jeff wakes up to discover that he has become a black man overnight. After trying in vain to remove his new pigment, Jeff ventures out into the world, only to discover the hostility he once engendered himself. After his neighbors petition to get him out of the neighborhood, his boss (Howard Caine) tries to use his new identity to the company's advantage and his doctor suggests he seek medical care elsewhere, Jeff comes to see the many sides of racism. The only rays of hope in his situation are the friendship of several fellow black people, including a bus driver (D'Urville Martin) and a restaurant counter man (Mantan Moreland). ~ Karl Williams, Rovi

Little Fauss (Michael J. Pollard) and Halsy Knox (Robert Redford) are competing motorcycle racers who form an unusual partnership. The pompous and arrogant Halsy agrees to race under Fauss' name while Fauss serves as his mechanic. Rita (Lauren Hutton) is the rich girl recovering from drugs who catches the eyes of both men. She chooses Halsy and eventually has a child by him after he halts his sexual pit stops with the racetrack floozies. Later, Rita bails out and returns to the sheltered environment of her wealthy parents in elite Palm Springs. Little Fauss and Big Halsy pair off in a race for a big prize. All events are witnessed by the lecherous photographer (Ray Ballard). An excellent musical soundtrack has Johnny Cash singing his own songs, one written by Bob Dylan, and another by Carl Perkins, who also sings one of his self-penned tunes. ~ Dan Pavlides, Rovi

Barry Newman stars as Tony Petrocelli, a maverick Midwestern attorney. Petrocelli is hired to defend a wealthy doctor (Robert Colbert), accused of murdering his wife. In the tradition of Sam Sheppard, the truculent doctor insists that the killing was committed by a mystery intruder who knocked him unconscious. Thanks to the doctor's healthy extramarital life, the case receives a surfeit of negative press coverage. Since he's already been tried by the public, it comes as little surprise to the doctor that he's found guilty. But during the appeal process, Petrocelli manages to locate a witness who opens the possibility that the murderer was the husband of the doctor's mistress. Five years after the theatrical release of The Lawyer, Barry Newman would star in a TV-series spin-off, Petrocelli. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Ohio businessman Jack Lemmon is offered a golden job opportunity; all he has to do is relocate himself and wife Sandy Dennis to New York City. What follows has led some critics to complain that playwright Neil Simon has written a "hate letter" to Manhattan. Within a 36 hour period, the couple (a) loses their airplane luggage; (b) are forced to travel from Boston to New York in a greasy old train; ( c ) can't get any sort of service because virtually everyone in Fun City is on strike; (d) are mugged twice, once while they're asleep; (e) are reduced to sleeping on Central Park benches in their day clothes.....and so it goes, until the shabby, disheveled Lemmon tells his prospective bosses off, and he and his wife head back to Ohio---- almost. Punctuated by Sandy Dennis' plaintive "Oh, my Gawwwwd", The Out of Towners tightens the screws and ups the ante on the classic "comedy of errors" formula. Filmed on location, the picture features a who's who of character actors (Milt Kamen, Anne Meara, Phil Bruns, Dolph Sweet, Richard Libertini, Paul Dooley, Robert Walden, Ron Carey etc. etc. etc.) When first shown on network television, the film was shorn of its closing punchline because of an eccentric censorship rule. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Officers Pete Malloy (Martin Milner) and Jim Reed (Kent McCord) are kept on the move with a number of emergency police calls. In one of the evening's tenser moments, the two cops come to the rescue of a pair of youngsters who have swallowed a potentially fatal dose of pep pills. And throughout their shift, Pete and Jim pursue an elusive burglar who specializes in stealing color TVs. Former F Troop leading lady Melody Patterson and future Oscar winner Cloris Leachman head the episode's guest cast. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

At the suggestion of Bill's current lady friend Ellen Latimer (Mary Murphy), who works for a major ad agency, Mr. French (Sebastian Cabot) is chosen as commercial spokesman for a new breakfast treat, Dunholt Marmalade. The usually unflappable Mr. French basks in the fame and adulation, and eagerly looks forward to embarking on a national promotion tour--until he finally tastes the marmalade! Richard Peel makes his first series appearance as French's friend and fellow butler Withers. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi