Dick Simmons Movies

Filmed in 1969, Don't Push, I'll Charge When I'm Ready remained on the shelf until December 18, 1977. On that evening, it was discreetly offered as an NBC Sunday Night Movie presentation. If the film resembles an old Bob Hope comedy, it may be because it was put together by Hope's son-in-law, Nathaniel Lande. Italian actor Enzo Cerusio plays a POW who finds himself in an American uniform during World War 2. Cerusio's pacifistic sympathies are rather at odds with the gung-ho attitudes of his fellow GIs, notably sergeant Dwayne Hickman. The romantic element is handled by Sue Lyon, who obviously had a lot of trouble landing good parts after her spectacular screen debut in Lolita (1962). Saving the film from total boredom are such seasoned laughgetters as Jerry Colonna, Soupy Sales, Edward Andrews, Parley Baer and Avery Schreiber. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

The Rat Pack packed it in after this sprightly musical comedy that owes more than it should to Damon Runyon's stories and Frank Loesser and Abe Burrows's classic musical Guys and Dolls. Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen's bright and snappy score features such songs as "Style", "Bang-Bang" and the Sinatra standard "My Kind of Town". Set in 1920s Chicago, the tale begins during a birthday party for head mobster Big Jim (Edward G. Robinson) who is shot to death during the celebration. Rival gangster Guy Gisbourne (Peter Falk) immediately declares himself the chief gangster. The northside gang, headed by Robbo (Frank Sinatra) is willing to grant Guy his self-declared title as long as he leaves the northside territory alone. Guy refuses and when small time hood Little John (Dean Martin) joins Robbo's crew, turf warfare breaks out between the two gangs, resulting in the destruction of both Robbo and Guy's nightclubs. Meanwhile, Big Jim's daughter Marian (Barbara Rush) offers Robbo $50,000 to find the man who killed her father. Robbo demurs and gives the money to his henchman Will (Sammy Davis Jr.) to get rid of. Will, hoping to do a good deed, hands the money over to Allen A. Dale (Bing Crosby), who runs an orphanage. Allen, finding out that the money came from Robbo, informs the newspapers of Robbo's philanthropic enterprise and Robbo immediately becomes a local celebrity, referred to as Chicago's Robin Hood. For his part, Robbo is willing to go along with the publicity. On the romantic front, although Robbo is attracted to Marian, he gives her the brush-off when he finds she is using a charitable foundation as a front for a counterfeiting ring being run by herself and Little John. Robbo tells Marian to leave town. Instead, she hooks up with Guy, proposing that he kill both Robbo and Little John. ~ Paul Brenner, Rovi

Wally (Tony Dow) and Eddie (Ken Osmond) get jobs parking cars at what Fred Rutherford (Richard Deacon) describes as the biggest social event of the season. Wally, of course, is up to the job, and has no trouble dealing with his wealthy clientele and their expensive vehicles. Alas, Eddie parks Mr. Rutherford's car in a restricted zone -- and when the owner returns, the car has been towed away. Nor is Eddie the only one in trouble: it seems that Wally got him the job! ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Perry (Raymond Burr) visits the campus of Manzana Valley Prep School to confer with his client, Dean Aaron Stuart (Milton Selzer). Someone is working very hard to destroy Dr. Stuart's reputation, and that someone turns out to be assistant dean Tobin Wade (H.M. Wynant)--whose own reputation has been tarnished by embezzlement and the theft of a rare book. When Wade is murdered, the police pounce upon Dr. Stuart, but Perry is (as always!) thoroughly convinced of his client's innocence. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

The 1939 adventure classic Gunga Din is transferred from British India to the American West, courtesy of Frank Sinatra's "Clan." Sinatra, Dean Martin and Peter Lawford play three cavalry officers, always ready for a brawl but willing to die for each other if need be. Sammy Davis Jr. a cavalry bugler who has aspirations of being a combat soldier. The three officers and the bugler take on a Napoleonic Native American chief, who plans to unify all the tribes and kill every white man in sight. Davis does his "Gunga" bit by blowing his bugle and warning the approaching cavalry that they're riding into a trap. About all that isn't pilfered from Gunga Din is the death of the noble bugler; Davis survives being shot up by the Indians with little more than a flesh wound! Sergeants Three also stars another Sinatra crony, Joey Bishop, playing the role originally essayed in Gunga Din by Robert Coote. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

You're Never Too Young is a slapstick-with-songs remake of the 1944 Ray Milland/Ginger Rogers vehicle The Major and the Minor. Dean Martin plays the Milland part, while Ginger's shoes are filled by...Jerry Lewis? Lewis plays an apprentice barber who inadvertently crosses a homicidal jewel thief (Raymond Burr), and equally inadvertently hightails it out of town with the crook's jewels in his possession. Desperate to escape the crook's clutches, and lacking the necessary funds for a train ticket, Lewis disguises himself as a 12-year-old boy so he can travel half fare. He latches onto Dean, a music teacher heading for an all-girls school. After innumerable routines sparked by Lewis's adolescent disguise, the jewel thief catches up with him, leading to a rollicking climactic speedboat chase. Dean Martin has plenty of opportunities to serenade leading lady Diana Lynn (who'd played a supporting role in The Major and the Minor), while Jerry Lewis is in peak form doing his usual "waah-waah-waah" schtick. The original Billy Wilder/Charles Brackett script for The Major and the Minor was reshaped into You're Never Too Young by future bestselling novelist Sidney Sheldon. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Masked crimefighter El Latigo fights the baddies and works for justice in this wild western. Man with a Steel Whip was a popular 1950s Republic studio serial. ~ Jonathan Crow, Rovi

MGM romantic Robert Taylor turns nasty in this low-budget crime melodrama. Taylor plays a cop who subsidizes his income with bribes and payoffs from various criminals and politicians. Taylor's brother (Steve Forrest), a rookie on the police force, is as honest as his brother is crooked. The younger brother witnesses a gangland murder; the killer goes to Taylor, demanding that he buy his brother off. When he realizes that his brother can't be corrupted, Taylor tells the Mob to lay off. An out-of-town torpedo is brought in to rub out both brothers, but he succeeds only in killing the honest sibling. His conscience aroused, Taylor goes after the mob leaders himself; though seriously wounded, he clears his family name. Rogue Cop set something of a schedule record at MGM, with only four months elapsing from the time the story was optioned to the time the film was released. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Though it isn't obvious at first glance, Three Sailors and a Girl is the fourth screen version of the George S. Kaufman stage comedy The Butter and Egg Man. The titular gobs are Jones, Twitch, and Parky, played respectively by Gordon MacRae, Gene Nelson, and Jack E. Leonard. On leave in New York with their pockets full of money, our trio of heroes are convinced by wheeler-dealer Joe Woods (Sam Levene) to invest their money in a musical show. It soon becomes obvious that the boys have backed a turkey, but with the help of pert leading-lady Penny (Jane Powell), a potential disaster is converted into a smashing success. The Sammy Cahn-Sammy Fain musical score is tuneful if forgettable, while LeRoy Prinz' choreography is first-rate. A cute celebrity cameo appearance caps this happy little film. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

All suspense in The Woman They Almost Lynched would seem to be dissipated by title, but director Allan Dwan holds the viewers spellbound throughout. Part of the tension arises from fact that there are two leading female characters: Kate Quantrill (Audrey Totter), wife of infamous Confederate raider Quantrill (Brian Donlevy), and Sally Maris (Joan Leslie), virginal sister of Kate's ex-lover, saloonkeeper Bitteroot Bill (Reed Hadley). Sally herself falls in love with Lance Horton (John Lund), ostensibly a mine foreman but actually a Southern spy. Rest assured that one of the two ladies is going to wind up with a noose around her neck for keeping "bad" company -- and that the other will somehow come to the rescue. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Authentic New Orleans locations enhance the overall enjoyment of the prizefight melodrama Glory Alley. A mere few seconds before a championship bout, Socks Barbarrosa (Ralph Meeker) decides to throw in the towel so far as his boxing career is concerned. Socks' friends, family and handlers assume that he's turned yellow. A series of complex flashbacks, coupled with a subsequent tour of duty in Korea, prove otherwise. For those not interested in cinematic pugilism, Glory Alley offers such sidelines pleasures as the jazz music of Jack Teagarden and the dancing of leading lady Leslie Caron. Kurt Kazner also provides some choice moments as a blind "boxing groupie" who happens to be Caron's father. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi