Joni Avery Movies

The glorious Hollywood institution of the romantic comedy gets raked over the coals in this broad parody of any number of boy-meets-girl flicks. Julia Jones (Alyson Hannigan) is a young woman who wants nothing more than to find the man of her dreams and settle down. However, Julia has a rather serious weight problem that prevents her from making a positive impression on people. Determined to find love at all costs, Julia somehow drops the weight and meets Grant Fonckyerdoder (Adam Campbell), a handsome and charming Englishman who falls head over heels for her. Julia and Grant waste no time in setting the date, but until they make their way to the altar they have to deal with meddling parents, flaky wedding planners, fights over the right wedding dress, vertically challenged romantic advisors, and Andy (Sophie Monk), a longtime friend of Grant, who isn't so happy to hear he's getting hitched. Also featuring Fred Willard, Jennifer Coolidge, Eddie Griffin, and Tony Cox, Date Movie was written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, proudly billed as "two of the six writers of Scary Movie." ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Obsession, jealousy, and deceit define the tense relationship shared between two turn-of-the-century magicians in Memento and Batman Begins director Christopher Nolan's dizzying tale of sleight of hand. Rupert Angier (Hugh Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Christian Bale) are London-based magicians of the highest order, both blessed with spectacular powers of deception and both cursed with unrelenting envy for one another's skills. When Alfred performs an awe-inspiring trick for which there seems no logical explanation, the friendly competition shared between the pair turns to deadly rivalry as the enraged Rupert determines to uncover his rival's deepest secrets. In the world of illusion, however, nothing is ever quite as it seems, and the rules of the physical world simply don't apply. Now, as bitter competition quickly begins to consume the souls of both performers, the firestorm birthed by their anger threatens to consume all who surround them. Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson, and David Bowie co-star in a feature that finds director/screenwriter Nolan reuniting with brother and Memento story author Jonathan Nolan to adapt author Christopher Priest's original novel. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

Marking the directorial debut of Adam McKay, former head writer for Saturday Night Live and founder of the Upright Citizen's Brigade, Anchorman is set during the 1970s and stars Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy, San Diego's top-rated news anchorman. While Burgundy is outwardly willing to adjust to the idea of females in the workplace -- even outside of secretarial positions -- he certainly doesn't want his own job challenged. Keeping that in mind, it's no wonder that the arrival of Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate), an aspiring newswoman, is, in Ron's eyes, not the studio's most welcome addition. After Veronica pays her dues covering so-called female-oriented fluff pieces (think cat fashion shows and cooking segments), the ambitious Veronica sets her eyes on the news desk; more specifically, on Ron's seat behind it. Not unpredictably, Ron doesn't take the threat lightly, and it isn't long before the rival newscasters are engaged in a very personal battle of the sexes. Anchorman was co-written by Ferrell, and features supporting performances from David Koechner, Steve Carrell, Paul Rudd, Tara Subkoff, and Maya Rudolph. ~ Tracie Cooper, All Movie Guide

Ang Lee directs the live-action feature film The Hulk, based on the Marvel comic book created by Stan Lee and illustrated by Jack Kirby. Emotionally stunted Dr. Bruce Banner (Eric Bana) is part of a research team at the University of California at Berkeley. Corporate hustler Glenn Talbot (Josh Lucas) takes notice of the lab and makes plans to take it over. Then Bruce accidentally gets hit by an experimental ray and grows into a huge beast, destroying the lab in the process. A creepy janitor who claims to be his real father, Dr. David Banner (Nick Nolte), starts to secretly use the experimental ray on himself. He creates some mutant dogs and sends them after Bruce's lab mate and ex-girlfriend Betty Ross (Jennifer Connelly). After Bruce saves her life in the form of the Hulk, she lets her distant father, General Ross (Sam Elliott), take him to an abandoned army base in the desert. However, Glenn Talbot takes over the operation and wants to patent the creature's superpowers for his own profit, so he holds Bruce unconscious in an isolation tank. When provoked, Bruce turns into the Hulk and makes a break for San Francisco, leading to a desert chase sequence involving military aircraft, tanks, and bombs. Only the sight of Betty can make him turn back to his human form. When he is eventually captured, Dr. David Banner shows up for a final confrontation with his son and his old adversary, General Ross. ~ Andrea LeVasseur, All Movie Guide

A girl poised on the brink of adolescence finds herself shouldering a whole new set of responsibilities in this made-for-TV drama based on the autobiographical book by Esmeralda Santiago. In 1961, Mami Santiago (Wanda De Jesus) decides to leave her life in a Puerto Rican farming community behind and move herself and her six children to New York City in search of a better life -- and better medical care for her ailing son. Mami's oldest daughter, Esmerelda (Ana Maria Lagasca) -- Negi for short -- not only has trouble adapting to her new environment, but doesn't quite fit in at her new school, where she's lumped in with other Spanish speaking students with whom she shares no common culture. Negi's burden is intensified by the fact her mother and siblings are counting on her to learn English and serve as the family's interpreter. One of Negi's teachers senses her creative gifts and arranges for her to audition for the Performing Arts School in Manhattan, but as Negi struggles to learn a monologue in a new language she has yet to master, she isn't sure if she has what it takes to make the grade. Esmeralda Santiago penned the screenplay for Almost A Woman from her own memoir; the film was first broadcast as part of the award-winning PBS anthology series Masterpiece Theater. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Just as the university research team is about to prove that their new technique will permit water to be used as a fuel, their laboratory is sabotaged and the lab manager is killed. Eddie Kasalivich (Keanu Reeves) stumbles onto the scene and manages not only to witness the sabotage, but to escape from it. When he tries to talk about it to authorities, he discovers that they think he and the other project survivors committed the crime. In reality, a group of energy companies have conspired with interested parties in the government to completely erase all notion of the existence of a way to use water as fuel. The project sponsor (Morgan Freeman) wants Eddie to turn himself in, but before he can do that, he must find enough evidence to clear himself and his friends. But in order to succeed, Eddie must avoid assassination attempts by the real perpetrators. ~ Clarke Fountain, All Movie Guide

SWAT-Team instructor John Lomax's faith in the American justice system is shaken when the sociopath who murdered his sister is sentenced to life in a mental institution rather than to Death Row. Internal pressures upon Lomax mount when he is attacked by a mentally unstable woman desperately trying to free her brother from jail before his execution. When Lomax begins talking about ways to get to his sister's murderer and to kill him for revenge, his girlfriend and his partner get seriously worried. Meanwhile, the killer himself has devised an escape plan and he doesn't care who gets killed during the ensuing mayhem. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

An uneven but entertaining blend of graphic horror and black comedy from John Landis, very much in the mode of the director's successful An American Werewolf in London. French actress Anne Parillaud -- star of Luc Besson's acclaimed thriller La Femme Nikita -- plays Marie, a lithe and lovely vampire with a conscience who will not take "innocent blood" and maintains a low profile by dining exclusively on criminals and lowlifes. She finds a virtual smorgasbord in Pittsburgh's criminal underworld, arriving in the thick of a bloody mob war sparked by ruthless kingpin Sal Macelli (Robert Loggia). After preying on one of Macelli's hoods (Chazz Palminteri), Marie fumbles her attack on the boss himself and he manages to escape, eventually transforming into a vampire himself. Macelli soon comes to appreciate his new superhuman condition and hatches a diabolical scheme to control the syndicates by turning his underlings into vampires -- including his beleaguered lawyer, Emmanuel Bergman (Don Rickles). Marie, faced with a new and powerful undead enemy, is forced to take matters into her own claws. To this end she enlists the reluctant aid (and eventual affection) of undercover cop Joe Gennaro (Anthony LaPaglia), whose cover has just been leaked to the press, making him a target for Macelli and his growing army of blood drinkers. Landis has crafted a dark and brooding film, pumped up with bouts of extreme gore and gangland violence -- but where American Werewolf's occasional comic touches helped to ground the story and give the "straight" horror scenes more punch, most attempts at humor here seem jarring and out of place. The film's highlights come from numerous horror in-jokes, including cameos from Sam Raimi, Clive Barker, Dario Argento and Linnea Quigley; Rickles' explosive death scene ranks among the weirdest in cinema history. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

After the phenomenal box-office and critical success of David Cronenberg's 1986 remake of The Fly, a series of big-budget remakes of '50s horror favorites rode in on its coattails in the late 1980s -- though none managed to rise above mere camp clones of their elders, albeit garnished with modern makeup effects in an attempt to draw modern teen horror-junkies. One remake that managed to live up to its cheesy inspiration was Chuck Russell's version of The Blob, in which the title goo crashes to earth and promptly begins digesting the residents of a small California town while growing to gargantuan proportions. The clean-cut teen hero originally portrayed by Steve McQueen (his first starring role) is replaced here with a rebellious outsider (Kevin Dillon) whose preppie rival (Donovan Leitch) for the affections of the cute heroine (Shawnee Smith) is quickly eliminated by the all-consuming space-gelatin. No sooner has the plasma menace set up house in the town sewers when a shadowy government Blob Squad shows up under the direction of the grandfatherly Dr. Meddows (Joe Seneca), to clean up the mess... or not. This high-spirited remake replaces the '50s "Daddy-O" conventions of the original with '80s cynicism -- not even likeable characters are spared from the slaughter -- and anti-government sentiment. It also pushes the gore envelope in ways unavailable to its low-budget parent -- e.g. the scene in which one victim is sucked through a sink drain was only hinted at in the 1958 film, but here viewers are treated to the entire bone-crunching ordeal. Though the quality of blob effects seems inversely proportional to the creature's size (some of the climactic "wall-of-blob" footage is painfully cheap-looking), the end result is more blob for the monster-movie fan's dollar. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide