Sandy Mielke Movies
A has-been wrestler (Hulk Hogan) spends most of his time fishing, but decides to become a bodyguard to make some money. He is hired by a rich professor (Austin Pendleton) to supervise his children, but the wrestler finds that the kids are more than he bargained for. An evil scientist (David Johansen, aka Buster Poindexter) decides to kidnap the professor's children as a blackmail scheme to gain control of a microchip capable of taking over the world. ~ John Bush, Rovi
- Starring:
- Hulk Hogan, Sherman Hemsley, (more)
- 1987
- PG
Sportswriter Frank Deford wrote the screenplay to this romantic melodrama about a washed-up baseball pitcher and a second-rate lounge singer. Vinnie (Raul Julia) is the veteran hurler who has just been cut in spring training by the Boston Red Sox. He stops off at a hotel where Donna (Beverly D'Angelo) is singing in the lounge. Donna's baseball-loving daughter Yvonne (Jenny Lewis) recognizes Vinnie from her baseball card collection and is convinced he should be her new daddy. After an initial misunderstanding, Donna and Vinnie resolve their differences, but Yvonne's wealthy grandfather Robert (Parris Buckner) threatens to gain custody of the little girl. Vinnie and Donna leave with Yvonne, who forges a $10,000 check of her grandfather's so the trio can escape. Vinnie again makes the rounds in Florida in hopes of making one last comeback in the majors. ~ Dan Pavlides, Rovi
- Starring:
- Raul Julia, Beverly D'Angelo, (more)
Former Starsky and Hutch star Paul Michael Glaser warmed the director's chair for Band of the Hand. The film zeroes in on five juvenile delinquents who are plucked from their various detention facilities and unceremoniously dumped in the wilds of the Everglades. The boys begin to panic until hardcase Vietnam veteran Stephen Lang arrives. Lang explains that they've been paroled in his custody, and that it is his task to teach them how to work as a team in order to survive. The logic of this plan is to whip the boys into an elite vigilante unit, then sic them on the various drug dealers of America. The film features early performances by Lauren Holly and Larry Fishburne and Bob Dylan can be heard singing the title song. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi
- Starring:
- Stephen Lang, Michael Carmine, (more)
- 1985
- R
In this third entry in the raunchy, sophomoric comedy series, the riotous students of Angel Beach High endeavor to get even with their old nemesis Porky who is trying to force the basketball coach into throwing the championship game. It seems Coach has been on a losing streak at Porky's newest establishment, a riverboat converted into a casino. Plenty of slapstick mayhem ensues when his team rallies to save him and the big game. ~ Sandra Brennan, Rovi
- Starring:
- Dan Monahan, Wyatt Knight, (more)
- 1983
- PG
In this plotless, mindless chase movie, papa Big Enos and son Little Enos (Pat McCormick and Paul Williams) hire Cletus (Jerry Reed) to haul a Jaws-replica shark from Miami to Texas to advertise their new seafood restaurant. There is big money in it for Cletus if he can get to Texas on time. Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason) mistakes Cletus for his old nemesis the Bandit (Burt Reynolds, who only appears briefly at the end of the film), postpones his retirement, and with his inept son Junior (Mike Henry) in tow, chases Cletus across the South for a disconnected series of misadventures and bad jokes. ~ Eleanor Mannikka, Rovi
- Starring:
- Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, (more)
This low-budget horror film about teenagers trapped in a carnival funhouse with a freakish monster is pretty standard stuff. Director Tobe Hooper manages a few shocks and includes some typically peculiar supporting characters, but this film is less entertaining than either of his previous excursions into such territory. Not as scary as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) nor as bizarre as Eaten Alive (1976), The Funhouse may as well have been directed by an anonymous hack as one of the foremost names in the genre. The movie tie-in novel, penned by Dean R. Koontz under the pseudonym "Owen West," is actually far more frightening than the film on which it was based. ~ Robert Firsching, Rovi
- Starring:
- Elizabeth Berridge, Cooper Huckabee, (more)
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