Bert Hinchman Movies

1988  
R  
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This underrated teen-revenge horror film starring Stephen Geoffreys (Fright Night) was the directorial debut of Robert Englund, best known as Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street series. Geoffreys plays Hoax, a picked-on nerd who lives with his religious-nut mother Lucy (the marvelous Sandy Dennis). One day Hoax calls a 976-line for a "Horrorscope," and the demonic voice at the other end starts giving him wicked advice. Before long, he has killed his brother's girlfriend with tarantulas, slashed the face of a teen tough with his newly-sprouted talons, and gutted several of his tormentors. Only a well-meaning journalist and a sexy schoolmarm can stop the now-demonic Hoax before he sends the whole neighborhood straight to Hell. Granted, the screenplay is rather confused and slow-moving, but Geoffreys and Dennis are great, the effects work by Kevin Yagher is skillful, and this is one of the few teen-horror films with characters that are actually interesting. Look for Robert Picardo (The Howling) in a fun cameo as the diabolical Mark Darke. After a brief stint as a teen star, Geoffreys went on to appear in gay porn films as "Sam Ritter." ~ Robert Firsching, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Stephen GeoffreysJim Metzler, (more)
1987  
PG13  
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Dan Aykroyd must have practiced for months to perfect his Jack Webb inflections for Dragnet. Screenwriter Tom Mankiewicz's directorial debut (also written by Mankiewicz, along with Aykroyd, and Alan Zweibel) is a gentle spoof of the legendary '50s television police drama -- pitting '50s conservatism smack up against the attitudes of the '80s. Basically, the film is another 48 Hours or Beverly Hills Cop clone. Aykroyd stars as Joe Friday, the nephew of the original Friday. But with his brown suit, fedora, and lockjaw, he could just as well be the incarnation of Jack Webb. He is involuntarily assigned a smart alecky, street-wise partner, Pep Streebeck (Tom Hanks), and they are appointed to investigate a series of religious cult murders in L.A. The two cops follow the trail to a phony televangelist, the Reverend Jonathan Whirley (Christopher Plummer). From there, they are only at step away from uncovering an Orange County-based religious cult calling itself P.A.G.A.N. (People Against Goodness and Normalcy). After sneaking into a secret ceremony, Friday falls in love with the sacrificial victim Connie Swail (Alexandra Paul). So much so that even after his superior Captain Gannon (Harry Morgan, reprising his role from the '60s revival of the Dragnet program) orders him off the case, Friday continues on, with the requisite car chases and crashes that usually climax any '80s cop movie or comedy. ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Dan AykroydTom Hanks, (more)
1986  
R  
Columbia Pictures spent as estimated $8 million dollars on this laughless sex comedy that crashes and burns before ever leaving the ground. Two bumbling boneheads who are kicked out of flying school decide to remain airborne by becoming stewardesses. Bathroom humor, sight gags, and the prerequisite nudity are the lowlights of this forgettable film. The only interest is the appearance of former Playboy bunny Yuliis Ruval. This dog makes Porky's seem like Shakespeare. ~ Dan Pavlides, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Brett CullenMary Cadorette, (more)
1985  
 
Celebrated Broadway musical star Vivian Blaine is cast as--what else?--a celebrated Broadway musical star, named Rita Bristol. Headling a new production costarring her daughter Patti (Lorna Luft) and produced by her son Barry (Gregg Henry), Rita is among those expressing concern when an aspiring actress is seriously wounded by an apparent mugger. Likewise on the scene is Jessica (Angela Lansbury), who suspects that the mugging is a set-up job--and who ends up going into her sleuth act when a murder occurs. Also on the call-sheet in this episode are a couple of show-biz newcomers named Milton Berle and Robert Morse. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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1983  
PG  
In this skewed, unreal view of a woman's choice in men, almost nothing is believable. Amy (Lucie Arnaz) is a savvy, well-educated lawyer in Santa Fe who divorces her husband, an exec in the banking business, to become involved with Will (Craig Wasson) a street musician with the same iron-clad brain as her ex when it comes to women. The musician is regularly picked up by the police for his loitering, though he seems never to fully realize why they are doing this to him. Amy drops him at last, and when she finds out she is pregnant, she goes to the hospital to have an abortion -- and is introduced to a Boris Karloff-type doctor. Before anything further happens, Will comes along and forcibly carries her off to a remote, run-down building in a ghost town where he ties her to a bed intending to keep her there until she has the baby. Hard to believe, but things only get worse from here. ~ Eleanor Mannikka, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Lucie ArnazCraig Wasson, (more)
1982  
 
Sitcom stalwart Valerie Harper trades jokes for the judiciary in Farrell: For the People. Valerie stars as New York attorney Elizabeth Farrell ("All she wants to be is a DA", declared the TV Guide ad copy, "but her toughest case is being a woman!"), whose case load runs the gamut from rapists to killers. This TV movie borrows a page from current events by fictionalizing the notorious Norman Mailer/Jack Henry Abbott contretemps. Farrell takes on an ex-convict who has become a best-selling author thanks to the intervention of the Manhattan intellectual elite--and whose latest creative achievement is murder. Farrell: for the People was the pilot for a projected TV series, but the central character was too bland and confining for Valerie Harper's talents. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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1979  
PG  
Tim Matheson is Dreamer in this Rocky-like inspirational drama. Instead of boxing, the sport in question is bowling. "Dreamer" is a ten-pin whiz in his small town, but can he make it in the Big Time? In his favor, he has the help of irascible manager Jack Warden and faithful girlfriend Susan Blakeley. As if to boldly underline the resemblances between Dreamer and its cinematic role model, the musical score is by Rocky's Bill Conti. If you like bowling, Dreamer should be right up your...right up your.... ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Tim MathesonSusan Blakely, (more)

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