Claudia Christian Movies

Just guess what this TV movie is about. Yes, that's right, someone is killing the centerfolds of a certain prominent girlie mag. Poor Miss March went out like a lion and now cops are trying to keep disaster from raining down on Miss April. One of the glamour girls in Calendar Girl Murders is none other than Sharon Stone, billed second in the film (but not at all in the print ads!) ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Sam Elliot stars as Sam Houston, the visionary who nearly single-handedly forged the state of Texas into a powerful entity in its own right. Refusing to forget the Alamo (as if anyone could), Houston led the military in Texas' rebellion against Mexico. G.D. Spradlin co-stars as President Andrew Jackson, with Michael Beck appearing as Jim Bowie, James Stephens as Stephen Austin, and Richard Yniguez as Mexican General Santa Anna. Lensed on location in the Lone Star state, this sweeping made-for-TV film originally occupied three hours' screen time on November 22, 1986. Its title at that time was Houston: The Legend of Texas. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Bob Hope makes his first starring film appearance in 14 years in this made-for-TV movie. Hope stars as a seedy private eye, hoping to get one last good case before calling it quits. Don Ameche, a retired art thief reduced to working as a chauffeur, teams with his old friend Hope to solve the mystery of a missing painting. The unknown criminal has a murderous streak, resulting in a few close calls for the octogenarian heroes. Masterpiece of Murder is murder, all right, but definitely no masterpiece. Bob Hope appears to be sleepwalking, while Don Ameche does his utmost to breathe life in the tiresome proceedings. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

In this adventure, an undercover cop must protect an endangered, unemployed Vietnam vet who has become a hitman's target. The story is also titled The Highwayman. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Two dudes endeavor to exchange the slow lane life of their midwestern hometown for life in the fast lane of exciting LA and so hop into a car and begin the long drive out West. This comedy chronicles their exploits when a head-on collision leaves them stranded in a desert with beautiful Tuesday. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Though bereft of budget, the 1988 sci-fier Arena has its heart in the right place. The scene is a distant planet, where extraterrestrial gladiators square off in an arena. Earthling Steve Armstrong would like to prove his fighting skills, but the evil planetary ruler Marc Alaimo won't let him. After an intensive series of training sessions with martial-arts expert Claudia Christian, whose father used to run the arena, Armstrong is at last permitted to display his prowess in public. He also gets a chance to topple Alaimo's despotic regime, and, hopefully, to win himself a trip back to Mother Earth. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

While investigating a bizarre series of slayings, reporter Clay Dwyer (Mark Thomas Miller) begins to suspect his tenant (Brion James) of being a vampire, and indeed, the man soon turns Dwyer's mother (Jeanne Bates) into one of the undead. Though Clay is able to kill the original blood-sucker, he just can't bring himself to off good old Mom. ~ John Bush, All Movie Guide

Valerie Breiman and Claudia Christian play the two sisters of the title. Containing very little dialogue, the film details the ambitions and sensual yearnings of the two heroines. The whole production has the rhythm and texture of a poem--and for good reason. Tale of Two Sisters was based on a poem written Charlie Sheen, which, like most of his verse, has made the Hollywood rounds several times without ever actually being published. Sheen also "stars" in Tale of Two Sisters, albeit only as offscreen narrator. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Professional wrestlers Peter Paul and David Paul star in this muscle-bound comedy about two slowwitted truck drivers who are hired to transport a heap of toxic waste across the country to Los Angeles. Along the way, the boys run into a 16-year-old girl genius who is on the run from a secret government research center because she holds plans for a mysterious secret weapon. With government agents in pursuit, the two lunkheads and the teen prodigy have to make it to L.A. with their toxic waste and avoid being captured by amoral government forces. ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide

Wealthy, but yearning for the family he lost after his parents' untimely deaths, a businessman hires a private eye to locate his three sisters, each of whom was sent to a different foster home following the mysterious accident. One particularly traumatized sister seems to know the truth about the deaths. Her revelations could be catastrophic for the recently reunited siblings. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Writer/director Adam Rifkin's The Dark Backward is set in a dark, grimy, garbage-strewn urban netherworld, where a company named "Blump's" apparently owns everything. Marty Malt (Judd Nelson of The Breakfast Club) is an unhappy garbageman who moonlights as an atrociously unfunny standup comic. His best friend and fellow trash collector, Gus (Bill Paxton), is the only one who laughs at his jokes, and his sincerity is questionable. The obnoxiously exuberant Gus plays an accordion, which he always carries with him. Marty is seeing Rosarita (Lara Flynn Boyle), a waitress, but she doesn't seem too interested in him, either. One day, Gus convinces a talent agent, Jackie Chrome (Las Vegas circuit staple Wayne Newton), to check out Marty's act. Jackie isn't impressed. Marty's luck seems to take a turn for the worse when a large lump starts growing on his back. He goes to a quack doctor (James Caan), who calls him a wimp and puts a Band-Aid on the lump. The lump continues to grow, eventually becoming a full-sized arm. While Gus uses Marty's newfound freakishness to impress his obese girlfriends, a horrified Rosarita breaks up with Marty, and he gets fired from the club where he does his act. Marty is despondent until Gus brings him to see Jackie, who, it turns out, has always dreamed of finding a real three-armed comic. Re-christened "Desi the Three-Armed Wonder Comic," and with Gus now providing musical accompaniment, Marty gets a fresh start on his career. The Dark Backward received devastating reviews upon its initial release, but has since developed a minor cult following. The film also stars Rob Lowe and King Moody, who was the original Ronald McDonald. ~ Josh Ralske, All Movie Guide

In this action-comedy, an eccentric detective ends up working with a lost gnome who has accidentally burrowed up from his subterranean world. He is searching for something valuable he lost so he can win the heart of a winsome gnomette. Wacky mayhem ensues. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

After a patient murders his wife, a distraught criminal psychologist resigns from his profession. But when police present him with a puzzling murder, he goes back into practice to help solve the crime and in so doing, comes to terms with his own terrible tragedy. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide