Mary Jo Catlett Movies

A parody of self-help literature and motivational speakers, Luke Ricci's dark comedy follows charismatic serial killer Mike Wilson as he mentors his first pupil in the fine art of mass murder. Mike is the kind of guy who knows what he wants out of life, and knows how to get it. Now that Mike is living the dream, he wants to share his knowledge with others, too. In order to give aspiring serial killers all the tools they'll need to become the next Jeffrey Dahmer, he's crafted a ten-lesson program that covers such topics as weaponry, corpse disposal, and keeping secrets from loved ones. When it comes time for Mike to deliver his first one-on-one tutorial, he recruits a lost soul named Bart and the lessons begin. As the lessons intensify, Mike finds it increasingly difficult to keep his clandestine career a secret from his beloved girlfriend, Abigail. Eventually, Abigail discovers the truth, and the police start closing in on Mike. Although Mike has escaped to his desert hideout along with Bart, the cops soon come knocking and all hell breaks loose. Will Mike and Bart ever escape to Mexico as planned, or will Mike's first lesson in police stand-offs and violent gunfights prove a complete and unexpected bust? ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

More fun and games beneath the waves are in store for you, you, and maybe you as the animated cult favorite SpongeBob SquarePants launches its third season. The opener brings back those antiquated superheroes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (voiced by Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway), who must rely upon SpongeBob when they lose their utility belts; and as a bonus, SpongeBob's driving teacher Mrs. Puff is arrested -- and she likes it, she really likes it. And what else? Well, a magic pencil leaves SpongeBob a fraction of his former self; snow falls on Bikini Bottom; the Krusty Krab is apparently invaded by a phony health inspector (accept no substitutes!); Squidward ends up a "street octopus," even though there aren't any streets; SpongeBob tries to prove he's tough enough to get into the Salty Spittoon (our motto: No Weenies Allowed); an abandoned clam brings out the parental instinct -- and the absentee parent -- in the redoubtable Patrick; the outside world is given its first glimpse of the fabled "Krusty Krab Training Video" (watch for the POOP session -- it sure beats "Dating Do's and Don't's"); "My Pretty Seahorse" ends with a Very Special Moment that will leave you as confused as the live-action "dad" we see on screen; the legend of the Hash-Slinging Slasher becomes all too true; Gary enters the Great Snail Race, which is not an oxymoron, we think; and at long last, we see "The Lost Episode" -- or rather, the "Other Lost Episode." In addition, this season offers a flashback to SpongeBob's prehistoric relative, as he discovers fire (not a bad trick when you're underwater). ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Fish are jumpin' and the seaweed is high as SpongeBob SquarePants gets into its second season. The first half-hour episode offers two brief playlets: "Something Smells", in which lovable invertebrate SpongeBob suddenly develops bad breath (a rare affliction in sponges); and "Bossy Boots", in which Mr. Krabs' insufferable daughter Pearl transforms the Krusty Krab into the hippest place beneath the sea--for a while, anyway. Later down the sandy road, the irascible Squidward proves to be that scourge of the deep, a slacker octopus, when he's put in charge of the restaurant; SpongeBob forgets how to tie his shoelaces, a situation that's good for 12 minutes at least; senile superheroes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (voiced by Ernest Borgnineand Tim Conway face a reunion with their fiendish--and equally elderly--enemy ManRay; the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club brings a little bit of Christmas cheer to Bikini Bottom; a caterpillar turns into a butterfly (film at eleven!); otherwise benign land squirrel Sandy Cheeks becomes the scourge of the deep when she starts sleepwalking; SpongeBob goes to Herculean lengths to avoid kissing his grandma, and fails his driving test again (how often do sponges have to drive anywhere, anyway?); Gary the Snail takes a bath (no film at eleven!); an oyster is traumatized by a smoking peanut; Patrick refuses to tell anyone what's in his box; a careless word transforms SpongeBob into a "Sailor Mouth"; and an exercise in procrastination plunges SpongeBob into a Daliesque nightmare. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Season One of the wild and crazy cartoon series SpongeBob SquarePants dishes up 20 half hour episodes, each containing two to three short storylines. The opener relates how cheerful invertebrate SpongeBob SquarePants lands a job at the Krusty Krab restaurant (his lifelong goal!), how he shoos a pesky clam shell away from the front lawn of his pineapple home, and his first meeting with Sandy Cheeks, a cute land squirrel who resides in a nearby biodome. All, this, plus a musical performance by Tiny Tim. In later episodes, SpongeBob goes into business teaching his friends how to blow bubbles; the evil Plankton attempts to steal the closely-guarded secet recipe for Krabby Patties; SpongeBob's grouchy neighbor Squidward tries and fails to drive a wedge (or a wedgie?) between SpongeBob and his best friend Patrick; a simple pizza delivery turns into an "Apocalypse Now" moment; former McHale's Navy costars Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway make their first voiceover "appearances" as testy retired superheroes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy; SpongeBob celebrates "Opposite Day", almost as if there really were an "Opposite Day"; Squidward invokes the name of Allen Ginsburg during a talent show at Krusty Krab; the legendary Flying Dutchman makes one of his rare TV appearances; a peek into the future reveals that they'll always be a few million SpongeBobs around to aggravate Squidward; and the long-suffering Mrs. Puff gives SpongeBob his first driving lesson, and lives to tell about it. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

Beverly Sutphin (Kathleen Turner) is the perfect suburban housewife and mother. She likes to cook, her home is immaculately clean, she's always well-groomed and cheerful, and she loves her husband Eugene (Sam Waterston) and her two children, Misty (Ricki Lake) and Chip (Matthew Lillard). There's just one problem with Beverly -- if you do anything to make someone in her family feel bad, you're dead meat on a stick. While she does a great job of hiding it, Beverly has a vicious and vengeful streak, and when she's not making obscene prank calls to the neighbors or bribing her garbagemen to save embarrassing items from her neighbors' trash, she's mowing down whoever would be so rude as to make her husband go into his office on a Saturday, break up with her daughter, or suggest that her son watches too many horror movies. Taking John Waters back to R-rated territory after the relatively sedate Hairspray and Cry Baby, Serial Mom captures a comfortable middle ground between Hollywood professionalism and Waters' subversive sense of humor, and Kathleen Turner has a field day as the sweet-on-the-outside, evil-on-the-inside Beverly. The supporting cast includes such Waters favorites as Patty Hearst, Traci Lords, Mink Stole, and Susan Lowe; Joan Rivers and Suzanne Somers appear as themselves, and all-female grunge-metal band L7 plays the all-female grunge-metal band Camel Toe. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi

Christine (Markie Post) becomes the object of ridicule for the Night Court staff when she begins dating a wealthy sexagenerian named Ted (played by soap-opera stalwart Peter Hansen). The staffers are convinced that Christine isn't really interested in the old man romantically, but instead regards him merely as a father figure. No one is more vocal on the subject that Harry (Harry Anderson)--who has a hard time hiding his jealousy for the fortunate Ted. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

In this filmization of the hit Broadway musical, a popular brothel is threatened with a shutdown by Texas authorities. Burt Reynolds plays the Sheriff, while Dolly Parton portrays the Chicken Ranch madam. While this film has its moments, it never reaches the entertainment heights of its stage predecessor. ~ Iotis Erlewine, Rovi

Billy (Jon Voight) is on the road with his son T.J. (Ricky Schroder), fighting low-end boxing matches for drinking money before moving on to the next town for another match. When his ex-wife (and T.J.'s mother) Annie (Faye Dunaway) shows up, it's to tell him that she wants custody of the boy. She has remarried and has risen to social prominence in her community. She wants the same for T.J. Determined to keep his son with him, Billy decides to train properly in order to be a success instead of just a washed-up punching bag. This gorgeously photographed drama is a remake of the 1931 film, which won its star Wallace Beery an Oscar. ~ Clarke Fountain, Rovi