Harry Woolman Movies

Nine Las Vegas showgirls are chosen to go fight terrorists in the Middle East (by distracting them?) in this under-par action drama with some nudity and sexual encounters. The son of a diplomat has been kidnapped by Arabs -- as usual cast in the role of villains -- who want to get their hands on the secrets for constructing a special nuclear weapon. It is the mission of the showgirls, should they accept it, to rescue the hostage, get a tan, and jump into that large shared bathtub as often as they can. ~ Eleanor Mannikka, All Movie Guide

Professional weirdo Clint Howard plays one of his more interesting oppressed-geek roles in this occult revenge thriller about a tormented military-school nerd (apparently in his mid-thirties!) whose personal computer provides the only solace from the endless taunts and pranks of his fellow cadets. He also has an intense fascination with the occult, leading him to investigate an arcane tome secreted within an ancient, crumbling chapel. In an attempt to decipher the text, he feeds it into the computer, which translates the writings into actual working spells. As Clint's mind reels with the possibilities of sweet revenge against his cruel classmates and teachers, the demonic forces once trapped within the book begin to exert control over his mind and body. Before long, he is able to summon an army of snarling devil-pigs (no, that's not a misprint) to do his evil bidding. Though this is essentially a gender-bent rip-off of Carrie, there is enough in the way of spooky atmosphere and well-staged shocks to keep less discriminating horror fans interested. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

Could it be true? Is the U.S. government really hiding an alien spaceship in the mysterious Hangar 18? According to the producers at Sunn Classic Pictures, the answer is yes, and this sci-fi drama sets out to prove it. The trouble begins when an orbiting satellite runs into the UFO and it crashes. Inside are alien bodies, and the President, who is busy with his re-election campaign, is most eager to conceal them. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Essentially a seedy '70s version of The Quatermass Experiment, this painfully cheap production from writer/director William Sachs involves the horrific plight of returning astronaut Steve West (Alex Rebar), the sole survivor of a disastrous expedition to the rings of Saturn. The fatal outcome of the mission apparently involved the discovery of a space-borne virus, or radiation, or something (it's never made quite clear) that killed the rest of the crew and is causing West's flesh to melt and slough off his body. For reasons unexplained, the only relief from the pain of his condition can be found by consuming live human cells. After munching on a few bystanders, West escapes into the surrounding woods, pursued by NASA researcher Dr. Nelson (Burr DeBenning) and a disorganized posse of military monster-hunters. Unable to stop his rapid dissolution or resist his cannibalistic urges, West agonizes over his dilemma (as indicated by laughable scenes of Rebar trying to register emotional anguish through layers of goop), but he still finds time to terrorize a few locals, including the topless Rainbeaux Smith and a pair of comic-relief oldsters trying to score some lemons. The film's notorious ad campaign rallied the makeup FX work of Rick Baker, but his talents are largely wasted thanks to AIP's frantic cost-cutting and a truncated shooting schedule that forewent many of Baker's elaborate prosthetics in favor of a cheap latex mask covered with gallons of syrup. Future Silence of the Lambs director Jonathan Demme contributes a brief cameo. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

Back in the mid-1970s, elaborately appointed vans were all the rage. This film was designed to exploit the craze and centers upon a particularly stupendous vehicle that is even equipped with solar-powered laser beams that the driver hero uses to stop some evil bikers. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Goodbye Norma Jean purports to be a biography of the early years of Norma Jean Baker (Misty Rowe), who would later attain fame in Hollywood as the blonde sex goddess Marilyn Monroe. The film begins in 1941 as Norma Jean is brutally raped by a highway patrolman who stopped her for speeding. After winning a local beauty pageant, Norma Jean continues to experience a succession of low-life sexual encounters that pave the way to Hollywood stardom. The ironic take of the film is that Norma Jean's series of degrading sexual experiences caused her to dislike sex throughout her life while, ironically, attesting to her sensual allure in Hollywood films. ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide

This campy oddity -- featuring John Carradine in one of his patented walk-on roles -- pits some silly facsimile of a motorcycle gang against an even sillier stuntman in a deep-pile shag suit who is supposed to be the legendary humanoid lurker of the Northwestern wilderness. It seems Bigfoot has developed an understandable liking for buxom human females (including Joy Lansing and one-time Russ Meyer regular Haji), whom he abducts and carries off to his scenic woodland retreat and ties to ridiculously scrawny trees. Apparently the bike boys are jealous -- abducting curvaceous cuties is also a favorite pastime of theirs -- and they embark on an uncoordinated rescue mission. Predating mid-'70s Bigfoot-mania (sparked by the famous home-movie sightings), this goofy outing is probably more entertaining than Legend of Boggy Creek and a dozen other "serious" pseudo-documentaries on the subject. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

A US Army Colonel (Cesar Romero) and his wife (Barbara Hale) relate their stories about the all black 10th cavalry unit formed after the Civil War. Eli (Robert Do'Qui) is one the new recruits being trained by two veteran troopers (Rafer Johnson & Isaac Fields). Julie (Janee Michelle) is the young beauty who tries to tame Eli's wild romantic heart. Eli befriends a local Indian chief (Robert Dix), but is unable to save him and the tribe from military cruelties. Lincoln Kilpatrick and Isabel Sandford also appear in this period film that is the directorial debut for John Cardos. ~ Dan Pavlides, All Movie Guide

Filled with brutal sex and graphic violence this western centers on the vengeful quest of a Mexican caballero who gets even with those who viciously gang raped his sister while he stood helplessly by and watched. The hero knows exactly who the perpetrator is and carefully bides his time until he is grown. He then gets a job as a stablehand on the villain's ranch. His own revenge begins when he kidnaps and rapes the ranchers wife leaving just enough clues to insure that the enraged husband and his gang will find him. A horrible climactic clash ensues before this vile film's blood-soaked, tragic finale. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

While perhaps not Abbott & Costello's best film, The Time of Their Lives is certainly their most unusual. Lou Costello plays a Revolutionary War-era tinker, whose prized possession is a letter from George Washington, commending Costello as a loyal patriot. Costello's lady love is Anne Gillis, maidservant to aristocratic Jess Barker. Costello's rival in romance is Barker's butler Bud Abbott, who locks the tubby tinker in a trunk to keep him away from Gillis. Meanwhile, Gillis stumbles onto a plot to betray the Colonial Armies, masterminded by Barker. The girl is kidnaped and spirited away, but not before Barker has appropriated Costello's letter from Washington and hidden it in a mantelpiece clock. All this is witnessed by Barker's fiancee Marjorie Reynolds, who disguises herself as a man, the better to make her way through the lines to warn the Colonial troops of Barker's plot. She frees Costello from his trunk and enlists his aid in locating Washington. Mistaken for traitors, Costello and Reynolds are shot dead. Their bodies are thrown in a well as a colonial officer curses their souls to remain on the grounds of Barker's estate "until the crack of doom," unless some evidence should prove them innocent of treason. A few moments later, Costello and Reynolds materialize as ghosts. They try to escape the grounds, but a supernatural force holds them back. Flash-forward nearly two centuries to 1946: Costello and Reynolds, still confined to the estate, resent the intrusion by Barker's descendants, who plan to renovate the mansion and open it to tourists. The two ghosts decide to haunt the estate, resulting in a series of amusing and well-conceived invisibility gags. Much to their surprise, Costello and Reynolds find none other than Costello's old nemesis Bud Abbott as one of the house guests. No, Abbott isn't a ghost: he's a famed psychiatrist, a descendant of the butler who double-crossed Costello back in 1780. Costello has a high old time playing tricks on the nervous Abbott (a fascinating reversal of the usual Abbott-Costello relationship) before the rest of the house's occupants decide to hold a seance to find out what's annoying the two ghosts. In a genuinely spooky sequence, sinister house servant Gale Sondergaard, possessed by the spirit of Jess Barker, reveals that the ghosts have been falsely accused of treason, and that their salvation lies in locating that letter from Washington. Driven by a feeling of remorse over the sins of his ancestor, Abbott does his best to help the ghosts. Before the plot is resolved, there is time for a standard Abbott-and-Costello chase scene, with the invisible Costello driving a car wildly around the estate, with a terrified Abbott cringing in the back seat. More than a little inspired by The Canterville Ghost, The Time of Their Lives was the second of two Universal films that attempted to recast Abbott and Costello as individual characters rather than smart guy-dumb guy team members. While the film is an unmitigated delight when seen today, it failed at the box office in 1946, compelling Bud and Lou to return to their standard formula in their next film, Buck Privates Come Home. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide