Robert Picardo Movies

This underrated teen-revenge horror film starring Stephen Geoffreys (Fright Night) was the directorial debut of Robert Englund, best known as Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street series. Geoffreys plays Hoax, a picked-on nerd who lives with his religious-nut mother Lucy (the marvelous Sandy Dennis). One day Hoax calls a 976-line for a "Horrorscope," and the demonic voice at the other end starts giving him wicked advice. Before long, he has killed his brother's girlfriend with tarantulas, slashed the face of a teen tough with his newly-sprouted talons, and gutted several of his tormentors. Only a well-meaning journalist and a sexy schoolmarm can stop the now-demonic Hoax before he sends the whole neighborhood straight to Hell. Granted, the screenplay is rather confused and slow-moving, but Geoffreys and Dennis are great, the effects work by Kevin Yagher is skillful, and this is one of the few teen-horror films with characters that are actually interesting. Look for Robert Picardo (The Howling) in a fun cameo as the diabolical Mark Darke. After a brief stint as a teen star, Geoffreys went on to appear in gay porn films as "Sam Ritter." ~ Robert Firsching, All Movie Guide

Vera (Beth Howland) must relinquish her new policeman husband Elliot (Charles Levin) for a few hours during the Holidays when he goes undercover as a department store Santa. Unfortunately, the disguised Elliot spots Vera locking lips with her ex-fiance Steve (Kip Niven), and it looks like it'll be a Blue Christmas. Featured among the many child actors in this episode is future Full House costar Candace Cameron and soon-to-be Hogan Family regular Danny Ponce. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Vera's police-officer husband Elliot (Charles Levin) would love to nab the rustlers who've been stealing cattle in the vicinity, but he hasn't got the evidence. Turning to Mel (Vic Tayback), Elliot suggests that the diner owner go undercover to help trap the criminals. Motivated less by civic responsiblity than by a $5000 reward, Mel agrees to the plan--even though his "clever disguise" probably wouldn't fool a cow, much less a cow thief. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Vera (Beth Howland) attends her high school reunion, where she meets her former flame Steve (Kip Niven). Those with good memories will recall that this is the same Steve who, a few episodes back, talked Vera into cashing a personal check--which promptly bounced. Apparently Vera's memory isn't quite that good: she returns from the reunion with a ring on her finger and a promise of marriage from the reboubtable Steve. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

While attending a circus, Vera (Beth Howland) is enchanted by a miniature performing horse. She is also shocked to discover that the horse is being maltreated by its abusive trainer. This explains why Vera has smuggled the horse into the diner--and why the authorities are hot on her hoofs. The villain of the piece is played by Robert Englund, clealry warming up for his more famous role as the monstrous Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare at Elm Street films. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Self-made wealthy guy Rodney Dangerfield decides he needs a better education--and also to spend some time away from his cheating new wife. Dangerfield joins his son Keith Gordon at college. Dad hopes to gain his son's respect (isn't that always Dangerfield's motivation?), while son tries to fit in with his snobbish and brutish fellow students. English professor Sally Kellerman forms a strong bond with Dangerfield, encouraging both father and son to stick out their first year despite all odds. The finale involves some slapstick at the swimming pool diving board, and the obligatory commencement address delivered by Dangerfield, who proves that he can crack jokes without tugging at his tie. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Ryan Hurst, Jeremy London, and William Devane star in director Russ Emanuel's docudrama detailing the Federal Trade Commission's case against an independent sales organization seeking to redefine the way Americans use credit cards. Adam (London) and Ross Franklin (Hurst) were still in their twenties when they became millionaires by marketing electronic terminals for credit card transactions. It was the early '90s, and Americans were spending more money than ever before. But while Adam and Ross had ambition to spare, their refusal to acknowledge the demands of others more powerful revealed a certain lack of business savvy. Ignoring government warnings to "respond" to various complaints regarding their practices, the brothers built their modest startup company into a multi-million-dollar empire. But that empire would crumble when the FTC set out to destroy their company at the behest of powerful industry competitors. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

Although many genre filmmakers have managed to blend horror and humor with great success, movies employing this formula often run the risk of both elements canceling each other out, resulting in a horror comedy that is neither scary nor funny. Alas, Dead Heat is a textbook example of this kind of failure. It details the weird misadventures of a pair of mismatched L.A. cops -- the straitlaced and by-the-book Roger Mortis (Treat Williams) and wisecracking loose cannon Doug Bigelow (muscle-headed Saturday Night Live alum Joe Piscopo). Their quest is to reach the heart of a sinister crime ring that employs indestructible undead henchmen. In a strange twist, their inept handling of the case results in both cops -- first Williams, then Piscopo -- being killed in action and subsequently reanimated in a secret laboratory managed by the barely seen Vincent Price (whose walk-on role is more entertaining than the combined performances of the two leads). The potential for "splatstick" comedy in the mode of Evil Dead 2 or Peter Jackson's Bad Taste is defeated by two major obstacles: first, the painfully unfunny mugging of Piscopo, who was unwisely allowed to ad-lib much of his performance; and second, the MPAA's trimming of several minutes from Steve Johnson's sensational makeup effects in order to avoid the dreaded X rating -- including a clever scene involving a zombie go-go girl played by Linnea Quigley. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

In this crime comedy, Dixie's life changes completely after the prostitution ring she runs is raided. She too is arrested and ends up sentenced to spend time in a convent. Though she is there to learn, she ends up teaching the Mother Superior and the others a thing or two about running a successful business. By the story's end, Dixie has learned to respect herself. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Explorers turns out to be much ado about nothing, but it's so sublimely assembled we're willing to overlook the sappy climax. Young sci-fi geek Ben Crandall (Ethan Hawke) (could he possibly be based on director Joe Dante?) would give anything to travel in space. Thanks to his computer-happy pal Wolfgang Muller (River Phoenix), Ben gets his wish, together with best bud Darren Woods (Jason Presson). In the Great Beyond, the boys encounter an extraterrestrial (Robert Picardo), whose knowledge of earth is limited to what he's gleaned from 1960s TV sitcoms (this is unusual?) Lots of outer-space fun ensues before the film's inevitable downward spiral. Moderately successful in theatres, Explorers had a healthy second life on video and cable TV, especially after director Dante rethought the film and rearranged a few scenes for better dramatic (and comic) impact. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

A young mens' hazing turns to murder in this crime drama set in a small town run by a powerful businessman. The victim was beaten to death with a monogrammed baseball bat, and later the head-killer tried to make it seem as if the young man was run down by the car of Frank Govers, a traveling salesman. Sheriff Ralph Baker begins investigating and finds his hands figuratively tied at every turn by the town fathers, particularly the powerful Will Curran. Baker does believe that Govers was framed, but the salesman, who has his own dubious past to protect takes off and ends up hiding out in the cabin of a teen-age wife whose husband has left her. Meanwhile Sheriff Baker arrests Will Curran's son Don, the guilty party in the murder. Back at the cabin, two fugitives from prison burst into the cabin and take the hapless salesman hostage. Things look pretty bleak at this point until Curran breaks his son out of jail and heads for the hills to cut a deal with the escaped convicts. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

Director Allan Arkush knew whereof he spoke in Get Crazy. A longtime employee of Fillmore East, a popular rock-concert locale of the 1960s and 1970s, Arkush brought a great deal of insider's savvy to this comedy about the concert circuit and its denizens. Malcolm McDowell stars as a Mick Jagger-type rocker who is one of several acts lined up for a big New Years' Eve show. If villains Ed Begley Jr., Bobby Sherman and Fabian have their way, however, the show will never get off the ground. The supporting cast is dotted with such cult-flick icons as Dick Miller, Jackie Joseph and Mary Woronov. The musical portion of the program is handled by the likes of Malcolm McDowell, Lou Reed (as a Bob Dylan type) and Bill Henderson (as a Muddy Waters takeoff). In case it hasn't been made clear already, the main "joke" of Get Crazy is the presence in the cast of actors as musicians and musicians as actors; it is to the film's credit that this one joke never wears out its welcome. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide