Traci Lords Movies

Actress Nora Louise Kuzmas' stage name was adapted from "Tracy Lord," the high-toned character played by Katharine Hepburn in The Philadelphia Story (1940). Any resemblance between Traci Lords and Hepburn begins and ends here. A onetime Penthouse "Pet," Lords told the producers that she was 18 when she was starred in her first X-rated film in 1983; in truth, she would not reach adulthood for another three years. By that point, Lords had already appeared in nearly 80 hard-breathing movie vehicles -- which, when her underage status became public knowledge, were immediately rendered illegal and removed post-haste from virtually every video rental shelf in the country. Since this tempest-in-a-teapot scandal, Traci Lords has emerged as a competent adult leading lady in theatrical films like John Waters' Cry Baby (1990) and Serial Mom (1994), television series like Melrose Place and Bandit, and the Stephen King TV miniseries The Tommyknockers (1993). ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide
2009  
R  
Add I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell to Queue
Earning the type of divisive emotional responses normally reserved for those on the far right or the far left of the political spectrum, writer Tucker Max celebrated his debauchery-driven lifestyle in the memoir I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. Now Max earns credit as both co-screenwriter and producer of the film adaptation with this comedy from Niagara Niagara director Bob Gosse. In the film, Tucker (Gilmore Girls' Matt Czuchry) behaves very badly at his friend's bachelor party, getting his invite to the nuptials revoked. Can he renounce his (not-so) inner selfish jerk in time to recapture his invitation? I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell also stars Geoff Stults, Jesse Bradford, and Traci Lords. ~ Kimber Myers, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Matt CzuchryJesse Bradford, (more)
2008  
 
A thinly veiled, unsanctioned biopic of author Phillip K. Dick, first-time writer/director inventive feature debut follows the story of acclaimed science fiction author William J. Frick as he experiences a massive stroke that sends him on a fantastic journey into his own imagination. It's the summer of 1974, and author Bill Frick (Bill Pullman) is living in squalor. Despite having a sizable reputation as a sci-fi visionary, Bill doesn't have so much as a penny to his name. Nevertheless, he's determined to finish his latest masterpiece - an ambitious tome inspired by beautiful actress Nikki Principal (Taryn Manning). Bill has formed something of an obsession with Nikki as of late, and after ducking a meeting with a persistent IRS agent, he suffers a sudden stroke that renders him trapped in a limbo world with his favorite actress. There, Nikki informs Bill that his latest literary work has the power to change the world. Upon gazing out his window to see murals and statues of himself spread out across the sprawling cityscape, Bill realizes that he has finally achieved his goal of becoming a God among mortals. But not everyone worships the pages that Bill writes on; there are those like the nefarious Maurice Kroger (M. Emmet Walsh) who would wield Bill's knowledge and power as a weapon designed to help them further their own malevolent agenda. Just then Bill begins to realize that he's not living in reality at all, but in a wondrous world of his own making. Harold Perrineau, Charles Napier, and Traci Lords co-star. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Bill PullmanTaryn Manning, (more)
2008  
R  
Add Zack and Miri Make a Porno to QueueAdd Zack and Miri Make a Porno to top of Queue
Kevin Smith writes and directs his newest comedy for The Weinstein Co. with Zack & Miri Make a Porno, the story of two friends (Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks) who get into the amateur porn business to combat their rising debt, only to realize their underlying feelings for each other while doing so. ~ Jeremy Wheeler, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Seth RogenElizabeth Banks, (more)
2007  
R  
Add Crazy Eights to QueueAdd Crazy Eights to top of Queue
Frank Whaley, Traci Lords, Gabrielle Anwar, and Dina Meyer star in director James Koya Jones' tale of six childhood friends who band together to confront a lingering secret from the past. A man has died, and now the six friends who knew him best have returned home to pay their final respects. Later, while settling their late friend's estate issues, the group discovers a map leading them to a long-forgotten time capsule that they had all buried many years ago. Upon unearthing the capsule, the six friends find themselves forced to confront a lingering childhood trauma as they begin the painful journey into their crumbling childhood home. Once there, a terrible secret concerning a mysterious dead girl emerges, and the fate of the entire group of forever sealed. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Traci LordsDina Meyer, (more)
2006  
 
One hapless everyman's day from hell takes a truly bizarre turn when he's named "The Chosen One" by a bizarre church and blessed with superpowers that will help him save the world from certain destruction. Lou Hanske has just been fired. Not only that, but he's also totaled his car, been attacked by a bear, and been dumped by his beautiful girlfriend Rachel (Laura Prepon) as well. To say that Lou is having a bad day would be an understatement of epic proportions, yet just when it seems that his life has hit rock bottom he's hit with a truly bizarre revelation: a small church has just named Lou "The Chosen One," and now in order to fulfill his prophecy as savior of mankind he must travel to Kansas and usher in a new age of peace and prosperity. Of course that's quite an undertaking for one man to take on all by himself, so in order to succeed in his mission Lou recruits his curmudgeonly roommate Zeb (Chris Sarandon), his smoking hot co-worker Donna (Danielle Fishel), and the Dark Lord himself, Satan (Tim Curry). Along the way, the foursome does battle with ninjas, religious fanatics, kung-fu robots, femme fatales, and giant monsters that could eat them whole. With a little luck and some serious cool superpowers, Lou might prove capable of saving the world and getting the girl of his dreams. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Chad FiferLaura Prepon, (more)
2005  
 
Add Frostbite to QueueAdd Frostbite to top of Queue
Despite outward appearances that would suggest he was a slacker with no motivation or ambition, Billy Wegstaff (Adam Grimes) is a true master of the snowboard. When Billy is accepted into the exclusive Pine Mountain Snowboard Academy, it appears as if the fun-loving snow shark may have finally landed his big break. Things soon take a turn for the worse when -- following a long night of hard partying -- Billy wakes up in the trash and discovers that he has been kicked out of the academy. When Billy decides to take matters into his own hands, there's no telling what he might do to get his career back on track. Featuring appearances by Playboy Playmates Suzanne Stokes and Buffy Tyler as well as a special appearance by Traci Lords. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Adam Grimes
2003  
 
A feature-length pilot for a possible cable TV series, Deathlands: Homeward Bound was inspired by a series of novels and audio-books written by James Axler (actually a joint pseudonym, shared by several prominent science-fiction authors). Sort of a "Mad Max Meets the A-Team," the film is set in a post-apocalyptic future, where crime and destruction is the norm and law-and-order is in the hands of a few courageous mavericks. Vincent Spano stars as justice-fighter Ryan Cawdor, who travels the scorched countryside in his "SecWag," or military security wagon. Cawdor's hearty band of cohorts include his half-mutant girl, an angry Albino teenager, and a geeky weapons specialist called the Armorer. Not surprisingly, the original "Deathlands" book series was incredibly popular with long-distance truck drivers, presumably the audience to whom this ultra-macho thriller is geared. Deathlands: Homeward Bound debuted May 17, 2003, on the Sci-Fi Channel. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Vincent SpanoJenya Lano, (more)
2003  
R  
Add Manhood to QueueAdd Manhood to top of Queue
When Jill (Janeane Garofalo), the sister of reformed womanizer and former high-profile fashion photographer Jack (Nestor Carbonell), leaves her 17-year-old son with his uncle in an unstable bid to find herself, her brother and sister face an increasingly uncertain future in this dark drama from director Bobby Roth. Bored of working an endless string of weddings and bar mitzvahs and longing to return to the success he experienced before his luck took a nosedive, Jack attempts to connect with both his teenage son and nephew while pulling his life into focus. To make matters even more complicated, Jill's jobless ex-husband, Eli (John Ritter), has also decided to move in with Jack. Will the hapless photographer be able to keep his sanity as his dysfunctional family forces itself into virtually every aspect of his increasingly chaotic life? ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Nestor CarbonellJaneane Garofalo, (more)
2003  
 
Lorelei (Lauren Graham) is none too thrilled to find out that her interior decorator was previously hired by Emily (Kelly Bishop). Luke (Scott Patterson) adjusts himself to the rules of the Gilmores' "movie night" (Casablanca is the main attraction, as indicated by the episode's title), even as Lorelei tussles with Luke's cell-phone policy. Meanwhile at Yale, Paris (Liza Weil) squares off against her highly antisocial roomie Janet (Katie Walder); and, still unable to get over her breakup with Jess, Rory (Alexis Bledel) impulsively decides to date a guy who doesn't appeal to her at all. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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2002  
 
Add They Shoot Divas, Don't They? to QueueAdd They Shoot Divas, Don't They? to top of Queue
Originally filmed under the title Slow Burn, this made-for-TV thriller stars Jennifer Beals as Sloan McBride, a Cher-like rock diva. After 17 years on the top, the fortysomething Sloan is faced with the realization that her popularity is being chipped away by the Britneys of the world. Enter the diva's "biggest fan," Jenny (Keri Lynn Pratt), whose boundless idolatry and flattery earns her a job as Sloan's chief assistant. What at first seems to be a rehash of All About Eve takes on sinister shadings when Jenny's hidden agenda is revealed. It seems that Sloan had been instrumental in ruining the career of Jenny's mother...or at least that is what the revenge-seeking girl believes in her heart of hearts. They Shoot Divas, Don't They? joined the VH1 movie rotation on October 5, 2002. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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2002  
R  
Add Black Mask 2: City of Masks to QueueAdd Black Mask 2: City of Masks to top of Queue
The Black Mask (Andy On replacing Jet Li) faces-off against a series of gruesome mutants while frantically searching for a cure for his ability not to feel pain in this flashy sequel to the 1996 original. When the Black Mask learns that genetic scientists worldwide are falling victim to an unknown assassin, he races to save the life of the next on the list. Arriving a bit to late, Black Mask learns that the mutants who have carried out the killings were created by the same sentient computer had which created him. Later rushing to the rescue upon learning that a professional wrestler has turned mutant and kidnapped a child, Black Mask makes the horrific discovery that terrorists plan to detonate a mutant bomb that will turn the population into hideous creatures. ~ Jason Buchanan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Andy On
2001  
R  
Add D.R.E.A.M. Team to QueueAdd D.R.E.A.M. Team to top of Queue
Three female undercover agents fight evil and look good doing it in this made-for-TV action-adventure drama. While Puerto Rico may be a playground for the rich and famous in the eyes of the world, United Nations intelligence agent J.W. Garrison (Martin Sheen) and his CIA colleague Zack Hamilton (Jeff Kaake) discover that all is not well on the island -- a team of terrorists have set up shop in Puerto Rico, and are working on an anthrax bomb which could cause millions of deaths in the United States. Needing to infiltrate the terrorists before it's too late, Garrison and Hamilton call in the Dangerous Reconnaissance Emergency Action Mission Team -- the D.R.E.A.M. Team for short -- which consists of Kim Taylor (Angie Everhart), Eva Kirov (Eva Halina), and Victoria Carrera (Traci Bingham), three highly skilled secret agents posing as international supermodels. While mingling with the upper crust between photo shoots, the D.R.E.A.M. Team meet a business mogul whose plans for his U.S. operations may be less than benign. D.R.E.A.M. Team was the pilot film for a short-lived television show; Martin Sheen did not appear in the series, but Roger Moore stepped in to play a similar role. James Remar and Traci Lords also appeared in the pilot. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

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2000  
R  
Add Epicenter to QueueAdd Epicenter to top of Queue
An attractive female FBI agent is transporting an industrial spy to a California prison. He is attracted to her, but complications set in when, upon landing, a massive earthquake strikes. Now the two must help each other to save the agent's daughter, keep hit men from assassinating the criminal, and survive the devastation caused by the quake. This combination disaster film/thriller was directed by Richard Peppin and stars Jeff Fahey and Traci Lords. ~ Perry Seibert, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Traci LordsGary Daniels, (more)
2000  
 
Add Chump Change to QueueAdd Chump Change to top of Queue
Actor and playwright Stephen Burrows makes his directorial debut with this independent comedy that takes a witty look at the downside of working in the movie business. Steve (Burrows) is a writer, actor, and comic who years ago left his hometown of Milwaukee, WI, for the bright lights of Hollywood and who, after years of struggling, has managed to get his foot in the door of show business thanks to his appearance in a widely seen commercial for a personal hygiene product called "Crotch Fresh." Steve decides to pay a visit to his friends in the Midwest, and while in Milwaukee he meets Sam (Traci Elizabeth Lords), an attractive woman interested in knowing more about his career in entertainment. As Steve and Sam get to know each other, he regales her with a number of remarkable stories about fascistic acting coaches, egocentric producers, and studio heads too young to hold a driver's license. Stephen Burrows was able to persuade a number of his well-known colleagues to appear in Chump Change, including Tim Matheson, Jerry Stiller, Anne Meara, Fred Willard, and Abe Vigoda. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Tim MathesonTraci Lords, (more)
1999  
 
After extracting a promise from Autolycus (Bruce Campbell) not to rob the First Bank of Greece in Thracia, Hercules (Kevin Sorbo) agrees to help Autolycus prevent his ex-wife, Luscious (Traci Elizabeth Lords), currently a singer at the Club Nymph-O-Mania, from holding up the bank herself. It seems that Luscious has a nasty grudge against Autolycus, and she plans to frame him for the robbery and subsequently witness his execution. In his efforts to save both Autolycus and Luscious from their own worst impulses, Hercules ends up inventing the savings-and-loan industry! ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Kevin SorboMichael Hurst, (more)
1998  
R  
Add Blade to QueueAdd Blade to top of Queue
British director Stephen Norrington helmed this David S. Goyer adaptation of the Marvel Comics character created in 1973 by scripter Marv Wolfman and artist Gene Colan. In the Tomb of Dracula comic book origin, just before Blade's mother gave birth to Blade, she was bitten by a vampire, which made Blade immune to vampires. Now a vampire hunter, Blade, joined by vampire detective Hannibal King and Dracula-descendent Frank Drake, stalks vampires. In the 1990s (in Marvel's Nightstalkers), Blade teamed with Drake and King in an agency created to fight a variety of supernatural beings. The Marvel origin is retold in this 1998 Norrington film, with Blade's mother dying as he is born. Thirty-some years later, Blade now exists somewhere between the two worlds, not human but not fully vampire. He has become a relentless and superhuman vampire hunter, out to avenge the death of his mother and protect the rest of humankind from the evil vampire race. In this pursuit, Blade storms a notorious vampire nightclub and in a virtual bloodbath manages to wipe out most of the blood-lusting denizens. But the burnt corpse of vampire Quinn (Donal Logue) is reanimated at the hospital morgue and bites hematologist Karen Jenson (N'Bushe Wright). Blade magically appears at the hospital just in time to whisk Karen to his hideaway, a machine-shop run by his mentor Abraham Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), who once rescued Blade and who now produces a antidote to keep Blade from turning into a full-fledged vampire and who builds custom weapons for Blade to use against his evil foes. Meanwhile, Blade's vampire arch-nemesis Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff) uses computers to translate the Book of Erebus, with the ultimate aim of bringing down the old-guard vampire council, headed by Dragonetti (Udo Kier), and triggering the Blood Tide -- an event in which everyone in the world becomes a vampire. ~ Bhob Stewart, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Wesley SnipesStephen Dorff, (more)
1998  
R  
Melissa Behr and Sherrie Rose wrote, directed, and star in this offbeat road comedy about two women with a passion for motorcycles who meet while going through rehab. When they discover they've both longed to ride Captain America's red, white, and blue chopper from Easy Rider, they escape the rehab clinic and hit the highway in search of their dream bike. Me and Will features cameo appearances by Traci Lords and the band Dogstar, whose bass player is Keanu Reeves. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Melissa BehrSherrie Rose, (more)
1998  
R  
Add Extramarital to QueueAdd Extramarital to top of Queue
Traci Lords served as executive producer as well as star for this thriller concerning murder and infidelity. Elizabeth (Traci Lords) has given up a career in business to pursue her dream of becoming a full-time journalist, winning an internship at an upscale lifestyle magazine where her editor, Griffin, (Jeff Fahey) alternately praises her for her great potential and treats her a bit better than dirt. None of this pleases her husband Eric (Jack Kerrigan), who looks upon her writing career as a glorified hobby and resents the loss of her previous income. While the magazine is preparing a special issue on contemporary attitudes about sex, Elizabeth strikes up a friendship with Ann (Maria Diaz), who openly discusses an ongoing and very satisfying extramarital affair. Elizabeth is convinced Ann's story is perfect for the magazine, but Ann's romantic joyride soon jumps the tracks when she's murdered. Elizabeth finds herself tempted by Ann's former lover, Bob (Brian Bloom), while she wonders if the neat way these events fit together is just a bit too coincidental. The film is surprisingly light on nudity given the star and the themes (Lords appears to be developing a sense of modesty after all these years). Extramarital is an erotic thriller with the emphasis on "thriller," and features an unexpectedly strong performance from Lords, who is the best reason to watch this film. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Traci LordsJeff Fahey, (more)
1997  
R  
Add Boogie Boy to QueueAdd Boogie Boy to top of Queue
Mark Dacascos plays Jesse, who has just been freed after a stretch in prison. He reluctantly helps out his pal Larry (Jaimz Woolvett) with a drug deal; when things go badly, Jesse has to make a run to Detroit, where a straight job awaits him, before the dealers find out where he is. Boogie Boy also stars Frederic Forrest, Emily Lloyd, Traci Lords and Joan Jett. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

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1997  
 
This psychological thriller is helmed Russian director Rodion Nakhapetov, who also fills a cameo role in the film. Traci Lords stars as Kelly Bekins, a recently widowed mother who takes her six-year-old son Matthew (Seth Adkins) to the motel where her scientist husband Joseph (Daniel Roebuck) was murdered while working on a top-secret AIDS cure. There, Kelly and Matthew meet the motel manager (Michael J. Pollard) and a janitor, Bubba (Tony Todd), who seems to be keeping a protective eye on them. To Kelly's surprise, Joseph's best friend and colleague Michael (Andrew Heckler) also appears at the motel seeking answers. When Matthew begins having psychic visions of his father's death, Michael suggests that he see a psychiatrist, Dr. Kessler (Karen Black), but she's involved in a complex scheme involving Joseph's killing and the sale of his research to the Russian Mafia. When Matthew's visions lead him to suspect that Michael's responsible for his father's death, the boy runs for help to Bubba, who turns out to be an FBI agent. ~ Karl Williams, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
Traci LordsAndrew Heckler, (more)
1996  
R  
In this violent actioner, a vengeful criminal escapes from prison and heads off to ruin the life of the one responsible for his incarceration. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide

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Starring:
James BrolinBilly Drago, (more)

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