Colin Gordon Movies

One of three awful England-based period horror pieces from Andy Milligan (the triptych also includes Bloodthirsty Butchers and The Rats are Coming! The Werewolves are Here!), this is probably the least unsound of the bunch, with a semi-comprehensible script about an evil priest (Gavin Reed) who returns to his former parish to search for his vampire ancestors and sets up an old church as the base of operations for their blood-drinking underground. He also casts his sinister sights on a lovely young woman (Jackie Skarvellis) in order to indoctrinate her into the sect and perpetuate the vampire bloodline. Still, scenes seem to go on forever and there's an utterly laughable subplot about a silly hunchback named Spool (Berwick Kaler), who betrays his master for a spinal operation. This cheesy vampire outing bears all the classic Milligan earmarks, including fuzzy photography (and even fuzzier sound), hideous attempts at acting, cheap gore, and clumsy editing. If viewers can put up with Milligan's talky, overwritten scripts and molasses-like pacing, there are a few peculiar moments that might make it worth their while. The costumes alone are enough to provide a few giggles, and the climactic cannibal-feast scene is a pseudo-psychedelic hoot. The vast majority of horror fans, however, will want to avoid this film like the plague, unless they need a quick cure for insomnia. Also known as The Vampire's Thirst. ~ Cavett Binion, All Movie Guide

Mischief is the name of a frisky circus pony in this British kiddie-matinee fodder. When Mischief inadvertently throws young Adrienne Byrne, the horse is slated to be destroyed. A happy ending ensues after Mischief helps Paul Fraser rescue Adrienne from a grisly fate. The story is fairly cut-and-dried, but children who love ponies won't complain. At 57 minutes, Mischief is just long enough to avoid wearing out its welcome. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

Humorist Max Wilk scripted this listless film version of his book of the same name. Jerry Lewis plays George Lester, an American entrepreneur living in London. After a money-raising scheme fails, his wife Pamela (Jacqueline Pearce) threatens him with divorce. Trying to demonstrate his willingness to get serious with Pamela, George, with crackbrained finesse, turns her country home into a discotheque. Pamela, shocked, demands that George restore her home the way it was. While defending himself, George notes than Pamela now has a snobbish suitor in tow -- Dudley Heath (Nicholas Parsons). To show up Pamela, George contacts an old friend, conman H. William Homer (Terry-Thomas). Together, they concoct a scheme to abscond with Dudley's blueprints for an electronic oil drill and sell it to the Arabs. But complications occur when George catches the mumps and has to rely upon airline steward Fred Davies (Bernard Cribbins) to transport the microfilmed blueprints to Lisbon in his teeth. Once in Lisbon, a local dentist, Dr. Pinto (John Bluthal), is tabbed to remove the blueprints from Davies's mouth, but Dr. Pinto double-crosses them. George flies off to Lisbon with Pamela in pursuit, and the chase is on. ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide

Retired after years of international espionage, Agent 007 is lured back into action to battle the evil spy organization SMERSH in this notoriously incoherent parody of the James Bond films. David Niven portrays the aging Bond, who atypically rejects the advances of a variety of women, and agrees to battle SMERSH's hold on the lavish Casino Royale only after organization head M is murdered. Also mixed up in the affair are several other secret agents, all named James Bond, played by everyone from Peter Sellers and Woody Allen to a chimpanzee. Despite a star-studded cast, a large production budget, and a hit score by Burt Bacharach, the film was universally panned as a muddled, overlong failure, with the occasional amusing sequence lost in the unintelligible surroundings. The participation of several screenwriters and five different directors, including John Huston, only adds to the confusion. ~ Judd Blaise, All Movie Guide

In the second episode of the six-part story "The Faceless Ones," both Ben (Michael Craze) and Polly (Anneke Wills) mysteriously vanish not long after the TARDIS has landed at Gatwick Airport. While searching for his companions, the Doctor (Patrick Troughton) learns that a phony travel agency is "robbing" the identities of its customers -- and it's all the handiwork of the Chameleons, an alien race on the verge of extinction. Written by David Ellis and Malcolm Hulke, "The Faceless Ones, Episode 2" originally aired on April 15, 1967. This episode evidently no longer exists. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

In the fourth episode of the six-part story "The Faceless Ones," Chameleon Tours prepares to transport another load of passengers, who are blissfully unaware that their "hosts" are actually aliens who intend to rob them of their personalities. The Doctor (Patrick Troughton) tries to prevent this, but first he must ascertain the whereabouts of his companions, Ben and Polly (actors Anneke Wills and Michael Craze do not appear in this episode). Written by David Ellis and Malcolm Hulke, "The Faceless Ones, Episode 4" originally aired on April 29, 1967. This episode evidently no longer exists. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

In the conclusion of the six-part story "The Faceless Ones," the alien Chameleons continue to repopulate their dying planet by stealing the personalities of unwary Earthlings. With no other tricks up his sleeve, the Doctor (Patrick Troughton) relies upon a desperate bluff to thwart the Chameleons. Anneke Wills and Michael Craze make their final series appearances as the Doctor's companions, Polly and Ben. Written by David Ellis and Malcolm Hulke, "The Faceless Ones, Episode 6" originally aired on May 13, 1967. This episode evidently no longer exists. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

In this episode of the British television series The Prisoner, medical researchers at the Village have discovered a way to tap into the human mind and observe a person's dreams and sub-conscious thoughts. Number Six (Patrick McGoohan) becomes a test subject, and as he is unconscious, his imaginings are adjusted until he believes he's in Paris on a rendezvous to sell the secrets he learned as an espionage agent. Number Two, the leader of the mysterious Village, is played in this episode by Colin Gordon; Katherine Kath and Sheila Allen also appear. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

This James Bond parody brings a new sort of jet-set secret agent to the screen -- one who hates flying, is afraid to shoot people, and would rather stay at home! Col. Mostyn (Trevor Howard) is the head of a special branch of British intelligence who is appalled to discover that a number of his best agents are either leaving the force or have turned out to be traitors. It is decided that Mostyn and his men need a special agent to ferret out those who leave his employ while knowing too much and silence them permanently. Mostyn decides the right man for the job is his old army buddy Boysie Oakes (Rod Taylor), but there's a bit of a problem -- while the job requires a globe-trotting assassin who can stare calmly into the face of death, Oakes is a mild-mannered fun seeker who is terrified of airplanes and faints at the sight of blood. None of this dissuades Mostyn, who still gives Oakes the assignment, but when he finds out that flying and guns are a big part of his new job, he hires someone else to do the dirty work for him. Oakes eventually develops a taste for the cars, women, gadgets, and danger of his new career, but the real acid test comes when he actually has to go on an assignment himself. The Liquidator was directed by Jack Cardiff, who along with a respected career as a director was one of the most distinguished cinematographers in the British cinema, lensing such classics as The Red Shoes, The African Queen, and Black Narcissus. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Cartoonist Ronald Searle's delightfully diabolical private-school girls are back in action in The Great St. Trinian's Bank Robbery. Comedian Frankie Howerd plays the head of a train-robbery gang who cleverly hides the loot from their biggest haul (presumably the infamous "Great Train Robbery" of 1963) in a deserted old mansion. The gang waits the traditional seven years for the statute of limitations to run out then returns to the mansion to dig up their $7 million booty. Unfortunately, the joint has been converted into the new site for St. Trinian's School for Girls. Even more unfortunately (for the crooks, but not the audience) those "girls" are all holy terrors. The film's climax occurs during a riotous Parents' Day ceremony, which predictably segues into a wild train chase. Great St. Trinian's Train Robbery might have been funnier had Alastair Sim, the star of the first three "St. Trinian's" entries, made a return appearance. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

It's Hoppity Goes To Town with sex in this 1963 British version of the old chestnut concerning an innocent country lass who travels to the big city and becomes corrupted, in this film version of Patrick Hamilton's novel The Street Has a Thousand Skies. Janet Munro runs the gamut of emotions as Jennie, a young girl from Wales who, with her girlfriend, is seduced and abandoned by a couple of heartless creeps in London, where she is later befriended by a kindly bartender John Stride. But Jennie snubs the bartender and takes up with a an unfeeling playboy. However, Jennie has gone around the park one time too many and is now torn between going back home or committing suicide. ~ Paul Brenner, All Movie Guide

This comedy features a 12-step Program for habitual hoods. The recovering criminal takes a job as a department store Santa, and again finds himself confronted with temptation. ~ Sandra Brennan, All Movie Guide