Get a Life: Prisoner of Love (1991)

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Brilliant screenwriter Charlie Kaufman, who also wrote the time-travel episode, "1977 2000," and went on to write Being John Malkovich, wrote this episode, in which Chris (Chris Elliott) gets a visit from his prison pen pal, Irma (Nora Dunn), that ends in a terrifying stand-off with the cops. Chris excitedly opens the mail one day, only to find that the "Hat of the Month" club has sent him his eighth derby in a row. "I specifically requested the alternate this month," Chris gripes, "the charming yet provincial Peruvian gaucho hat." His hat worries are quickly forgotten when he learns that Irma is getting out of jail and plans to visit him. A frightened Chris does his best to prepare to scare the ex-con off, putting a big cardboard box in his garage with "A tiger is in here" painted on the side, and putting a sheet over his head and pretending to be a ghost. But when the butch Irma shows up, he is instantly smitten. "Oh, fair lady," he tells her, "you, sir, are the most exquisite creature my puny mortal eyes have ever beheld." "Yeah, well, you're kinda gross," she replies, "I can see why you wear a sheet." Irma agrees to stay with Chris, but warns him, "If you so much as lay a finger on me, I'll rip your throat out so fast it'll be screaming 'uncle' in my fist." Chris points out that she sounds like every other girl he dates. Chris is making plans to marry Irma ("We're gonna wanna put the rabbi on the revolving platform right about here"), but Irma's more interested in running guns and drugs, as well as a counterfeit operation right out of Chris's garage. Chris doesn't suspect a thing, even after the police show up, and Irma takes him hostage. ~ Josh Ralske, Rovi